note: because this is a masterpost, not all stuff here are NEWS-related (though most of 'em are~)
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I didn't just Panic!
In my six years of being a loyal NEWS fan, Panic! At The Disco is the only band/artist that reached the level of love I have for NEWS. (You can see my P!ATD-appreciation post here) But it doesn't mean that my bias treatment is the same. Instead of focusing only on P!ATD as I did on NEWS especially on the getting-to-know stage, P!ATD became the door for a genuine music enjoyment by means of actively searching for more.
I could say that I'm the musician with the least knowledge of songs. Despite my frequent assertions of open-mindedness to music, I admittedly don't listen to a lot of songs (IF we're talking about songs I choose to listen to. Otherwise, I've known a lot of songs from the TV, radio, karaoke, and other media since childhood! Haven't we all?) I tend to repeat only the ones I like, and I can do that for years.
Here's a comparison for a clearer picture. Tegoshi said he has over 10,000 songs in his music player. 500 is already too many for me. Brendon learns almost 500 songs a year. I could only go with 50-100. Tegoshi also said he loops songs for an average of 2 times. When I heard his solo Encore for the first time, I looped it for 2 straight weeks!
This means that while I'm very open to genres, I'm notoriously picky with songs. My exploration this year is my wildest so far. If it goes beyond on 2017, why not, right?
And we've reached this point! There are many artist/bands I wanted to feature, but I'll only show whose discographies I've already dug (that says I've loved them enough!) Carry on~
Artist: The Brobecks
These artists almost made it on the Feature list! I'd still like to mention them in a shorter, separate list (because I am really motivated when it comes to listing stuff :>)
Artist: Fall Out Boy
Why include? Because FOB bassist Pete Wentz discovered P!ATD and put the band under his music label. He is their literal senpai! Also, FOB is part of the "Emo Trinity", with P!ATD and My Chemical Romance.
I recommend: 20 Dollar Nosebleed (Feat Brendon Urie)
More than a month of fangirling over Panic! At The Disco and this band effortlessly makes its mark on me as a lifetime influence, just like NEWS. It took the same quick period for NEWS to secure that spot in my life, by the way. (And look how far I've gone walking with NEWS ♥ With Panic! it might just be the same!)
There's no denying it. Panic! is now at par with NEWS: My number 1 fandom, my favorite people, my greatest inspiration, etc. And because I can't just let two "number ones" compete for my enthusiasm, time and appreciation, I've cited a big distinction between the two; yeah, I sound like a sore arbiter but it has made me at peace with my feelings ever since. (Damn were the days in late April when I was very new to Panic! and I kept weighing my passion for both bands ><)
NEWS in QUARTETTO concert tour (cr: inala )
NEWS is my family. The place where I belong. It's a habitat that thrives on love; I get my ample share, and I give my ample support in return. Here is where I feel the safest, yet here is also where I feel bold. Tegoshi is my ideal person. Despite this, I don't actually want to be like Tegoshi. And NEWS' personality doesn't really speak to me on a personal level. I've found more of myself in Panic!.
Key word in NEWS is familial.
(cr: Panic!'s FB page)
Panic! At The Disco is my spirit animal. It's who I am both in my weakest and in my strongest. I see myself in the metaphors of their lyric-writing, especially Ryan's. I see my ideal self in Brendon's personality, musicality, and creativity. I want to be like Brendon. The band's success and freedom are my goals. But my source of nurturing and support is NEWS. And Tegoshi remains as my ideal person.
Key word in P!ATD is personal.
But maybe you wonder HOW it's Panic! among other bands and artists. Tbh, since I became into NEWS, Western bands, whatever genre they're doing, were all the same to me. The Panic! I knew, was a musical fling back in 2008. For a fact, I didn't know who Panic! was/were, except for the attention-hogging name *!* and a couple of songs which were a little part of my huge adolescent playlist by various artists and that was the actual musical fling).
I sang along to I Write Sins Not Tragedies and even made a Tagalog parody without knowing the names of the band members and what they look like. So how did that change? How was I reintroduced to the band and became the fan that I am today? Oh, well imagine, as I'm searching Wikipedia about Neoclassical Music and I can't help but to see, oh I can't help but to see a link that says: "List of Baroque Pop Artists"...
...It's partly NEWS' fault.
April 12, 2016. I was halfway through my QUARTETTO album review (that
still isn't posted is also posted today, after almost 3 months delay, and it's partly Panic!'s fault! Hahaha) when I had to check Wikipedia for Classical Music terms and references. NEWS' new style is specifically Neoclassical (lit. "New Classical") and its subgenres, best known of which is Baroque Pop. Out of curiosity, I checked the link List of Baroque Pop Artists to see if maybe there are familiar artists I'd chance there. I saw Kalafina in the list and I was honestly not surprised, though very, very pleased because the JPop trio was my jam at the time (They're still my jam!). Besides Kalafina, Panic! At The Disco was present.
Taking a break from my NEWS review I clicked on Panic!'s Wiki page, and it's not that I didn't have any choice of other artists yet I was genuinely interested why the band is under Baroque Pop. I knew them as an alternative rock band--again, I actually didn't know anything about the band prior to rediscovery but I wasn't that ignorant to not know they were alternative rock. Sure, I memorized 'I Write Sins...' stripped down to its cello intro but the other Panic! songs I remembered were so different from each other.
But the thing that intrigued me more was seeing the current line-up: a one-man band! Naturally, you'd check that sole member when there are no other options to check (ex-members are another topic). Coincidentally, it was Brendon *I wrote "Brandon" in my diary and people in the fandom said 90% will probably get his name wrong at first encounter--and I belong to that huge percentage orz* Urie's birthday that day so being a cheesy believer of fate I believed the coincidence was a sign I have to explore the band.
He's approximately 7 months older than Tegoshi, and approx 8 years older than me. Wtf is with these '87-liners huhuu
Also as I was having problems regarding my feelings for Tegoshi *HAHAHAHA I NEVER TOLD YOU ABOUT IT, LIVEJOURNAL!* the urge for exploring other artists was strong (though I have been in the exploration phase since last year). I listened to MAMAMOO, AOA, and Kalafina more frequently than I listened to NEWS, and since Panic!'s confusing genre retained to me throughout that week, I finally searched the band on Youtube.
At this point my interest to know Panic! grew at a fast rate. Aside from the obvious that Victorious, I Write Sins Not Tragedies, and Nine In The Afternoon are insanely different songs for a single band and that kind of variety is my ultimate dream if I become a de facto musician, I was sure I knew more songs; I just haven't recalled everything yet.
In my second try at exploring the band on Youtube I saw more recent as well as familiar songs/videos, and the incessant variety kept me excited. I was particularly awestruck by Time To Dance, it was one of the old songs I liked so baaaad. Hearing it again after years was so classic it evoked an important question--why didn't I appreciate Panic! as much as I did for Paramore?--that question is important because Paramore is my first-ever favorite artist, hence I never dared to put it in line with my fandoms and other favorites.
Until I rediscovered Panic! and I was oddly attracted to the band strong enough that after Youtube I immediately followed fandom pages/websites too. Finally, it was during midnight of April 22, ten days after Brendon's birthday and the accidental rediscovery, that I proclaimed over a sleepless night of laughing to Panic! memes: The band is now officially added to my fandoms. ♥
That's when something unprecendented (at least for me) happened. A couple of hours later, Panic! announced that they'll be having a concert in the Philippines this August!
Caption: This kind of news would really give one a panic *oh yeah I just made a pun involving my two faves! xD
The rest is history; I mean, it's just a little over a month since I entered the fandom but in the days and weeks I've spent many big changes already happened, as seen from how it quickly climbed the ladder from being "just another fandom" to being the number one fandom.
Discography & Line-up changes. You know you truly love something when you love every aspect of it. (cr: panicatthesocialgrathering)
And no, it's more than fandom stuff. Things have changed personally, from my way of thinking, to my habits, to my goals. I'm currently working all of these so it's not a great time to discuss personal matters, and maybe they're too personal for the blog anyway.
I still love NEWS truly, deeply... but Panic! At The Disco redefined me. As I said, Panic! is my spirit animal. For the band's fans, it feels uncomfortable when the exclamation point in the name is missing. For me, it's my turning point in that exclamation point.
And I love history. I may never have made a ‘stages of fangirling’ post, but I always love to backtrack. NEWS did the Myojo 10,000-character interview twice; the first was in 2011, the latter was last year. Chankapaana means "my beloved" and it's our name since 2012. I remember one day in March five years ago when I first cried hard because of Tegoshi (for you know, langit ka lupa ako reasons ><"), to the first time I pulled an all-nighter for NEWS; the first time I played a NEWS song on the piano on impromptu (improvising chord progressions lol); and definitely, the very day I became a fangirl. Good thing I had just started writing a serious diary back then. Everything was recorded and it was hilarious. I cannot believe I fell for a Japanese! Not being racist--I just didn't appreciate Japan, it was the country I had the least interest in. I even wanted to go to Africa first!
When I entered the fandom, it was a totally warm and welcoming world that I felt I was going to last. In fact, I have a long-time envy of long-time fans... there's this want to reach what they've reached. Most fans I know were ahead by 3 or 4 years while I was a newbie. During my 3rd year, which means the older fans passed the 6th and 7th year mark, the want turned into an aim. I aimed to reach the 6th, 7th years. I dunno what will happen next, or if NEWS would still exist, but that was my conscious decision: to be a long-time fan.
Working towards this aim I actually felt very natural. Even there was only a single release in 2014, that year was one of my active years. 2015 was a NEWSfest and I forgot about my internal timetable. Stages of fangirling what? Where am I? Where should I be?? Nah, everyone's enjoying the heap of activities and so do I!
NEWS appears to be unstoppable. I, meanwhile, am beating the 6th-year mark in June--three months from now. Taking a little time (thus writing this entry) to reflect, it’s meaningful and relieving, because in a way it has become a life goal and I've reached it faster and easier than I imagined. My dream of celebrating my longevity--a dream almost as intense as seeing Tegoshi in person, is just on the horizon. ♥
This sentiment will probably make the older fans, the 3 or 4 years ahead of me fans, laugh at how silly I am with this 6th year thing whereas they’re in their 9th or 10th year now! Or better yet, they can relate. I've never known a fan who isn't sentimental and counts the years of stay in the fandom like celebrating wedding anniversaries.
Maybe I'm not concerned with the stages of fangirling, because I find eras more appealing, as I've lept the stages in time, and all I could ever think now is how far could this go (I've always thought of that, apparently). Another aim: 10 years? Nah, everyone's enjoying the heap of activities and so do I! But seriously. Betting on 10 years, I'm getting unnecessarily anxious.
Whenever I'm feeling unnecessarily anxious I just think of Tegoshi's cheeks that are like dough. I don't necessarily know why too. (gif: koyamacchi)
Below is the most famous 'stages of fangirling' meme, or the most accurate among the ones I researched for the sake of this post. :> Okay, though I'm not very attentive, it doesn't mean I deny the truth that's in these memes. It happens to me and it happens to everyone else; within these long eras and years of being in a fandom these stages repeat themselves over and over again. Sigh. This is why I stayed.
The TE----goshi. ↓
IT'S HIS BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wait, what should I say to get past this late-post-even-if-you-have-the-whole-
*oh shaddap it's already Nov 12 no excuses you're late*
Let's see; I did a Tumblr post yesterday. Unlike most of my well-thought (or so I thought) birthday tributes, this one was probably my most candid Tego message... and so far the longest of my stupid ones too. I don't really show sweetness to my bias, BELIEVE ME. EITHER I'M A TSUNDERE, OR A CRITIC. I MAKE TEGOSHI APPRECIATION POSTS, YES; BUT THAT'S MOSTLY A PART OF MARKETING MY BIAS TO EVERYONE AND NOT OUT OF MY DELICATE HEART AND MUSHY FEELINGS EWWWWW
Here it is! (source)
(A very poor edit since my fingers were trembling from the latte I just drank. caffeine intolerance?
Happy 28th birthday Tegoshi Yuya! TL;DR this is more of a ramble than a greeting :p
I spent the midnight tearing up a little because my plans for your birthday was thwarted by RL chores and whatnot. During the ‘planning’ stage, I had at least three ideas; a theme for a write-up, a collection of quotes, and a photobook style post (because you said many times that you want a solo photobook). I asked friends if they’ll be available on the date; made a budget for buying cake. Thought of dyeing my hair pink for the occasion. Nah, It’s a normal fan behavior I guess, but to me it’s been my yearly tradition to make tribute/s for Tegoshi’s birthday AND IT NEVER FALTERED!!! So when I was obliged to RL I was swept away. Still feeling glum until now (palpitation I hate you), I made this halfhearted edit, but I want to make up for this with a message. Or a ramble. A childish love letter and all.
The time I became a fangirl I started consistently writing journals. From my scream when I first saw his face on the screen, to my anguish when NEWS lost RyoPi, to my redemption when the group came back as four, much of my feels were recorded. It was--in a very cliche tone “an emotional roller coaster” and a test of strength and faith, and a notebook of commentary, jokes, creativity, and wide-eyed appreciation for the fandom. The most prominent parts, of course, are the Tegoshi-biased moments. Beyond what’s written there are tooooooons of them. Tegoshittin’ like 100x a day. It’s a funny thing (whenever I become nostalgic I laugh more than cry for all the silliness), being a dedicated fangirl. How the feelings got bigger
like a couple overcoming the seven-year itch LOOOOL, is even funnier. “How are you taking that guy seriously?” I wrote why it’s hard to be a Tegoshi fan last year. (and have started writing part two!). The point is, Tegoshi is indeed an idol. I realize that every day. It’s becoming obvious everyday. He’s becoming just a common celebrity everyday. His face is becoming a meh sight. The fanservice, very expected. But these things that make Tegoshi ordinary, he’s great at these. He’s great at being handsome, he’s great at saying sickly-sweet remarks, great at doing his idol job, great at making himself great.
And this is because of his innate, inborn strength. Determination. Competitiveness. He’s actually grounded, you see. Grounded of these values which steer him whatever direction he chooses to go. Or goals he wants to achieve. Gosh, every Tego fan probably have said it--Tegoshi is an epitome of strength. It shows from his physique to his personality to his accomplishments to his words and into our hearts huhuhu ;_; Okay I’m crying now, gotta post this birthday post because I hafta do RL stuff again. I’ll stand up from this chair thinking how Tegoshi is beautiful and has inspired me in a lot of ways and how I want to make a lot of birthday posts but the fact that I have limited time and uuuugh okay bye! This is such a mess. Happy birthday Tegoshi, and I wish the best of the best for the best of the best. ♥
Logging out. (Pardon the grammar mistakes I’m not beta-ing this)
I was quite surprised it didn't have many mistakes and I think I've fairly made the message across. ^-^
Btw I was really crying when I typed the last sentences.
25% because of the mushy feelings It's very relieving that in spite of the midnight frustrations and afternoon palpitations I finished a thing! Tradition is hard to break; in this case, Tegoshi's birthday is the one date I've turned into a tradition. Crazy as it sounds, it is the day where I often transform into my ideal self. What have you done, Tego? Do you really have the magic?
There are many fan accounts/stories saying that their bias/es saved their lives. And some further claiming it's how a fan-idol relationships are supposed to be. Uh no.
For me, Tegoshi isn't a life-saver. I do not credit him for the air that I breathe or the force that stops me from killing myself. He's simply a person I extemely like, my good (and bad) role model, my image of perfection, and the stronghold against my imperfections.
He helps me live, that I could say. He makes me alive, to be accurate. He also makes me want to help lives. He's my metaphorical teacher and my case studies at the same time. I'm a dreamer and he's my dream. He's a doer and
I want him to do me (skip that! that's rated NC-17, keep away!!! ughh)
In short Tegoshi's this person I love so much that I can't afford to miss the tradition. I'm repeating myself too much, heh. Happy birthday, rainbow poop! ♥
Look at this wonderful piece of personality profile from Scorpio Quotes:
It's nailed to the ground, man! My groundbreaking man! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
*TEKA KINIKILIG AKO*
I shall finish this entry now. It's dinner time and I'm hungry!
No Tego at the table because it's Nov 12 you're late you're late you're late :p
P.S. I'm listening to 四銃士 on repeat and I want to get my thoughts over the song. (sign of a new review? I hope so!)
Had I known this ahead of time, I would've kidnapped him. Of course I'm kidding. (Oops. Aren't jokes half-meant? xD)
(Above photo: Tegoshi, "PO", and the scenic Manila Bay)
A year ago, me and another Tego-biased friend, Ria, were rambling and ranting wildly about Tegoshi and how he already circled the countries around ours except for ours. We were frustrated, thinking that he should come here because we have a list (a funny list of reasons, from the things he could do to the tourist spots to the band of waiting, emotion-driven Tego-paanas like us!). I also thought that if he couldn't come here any sooner, then he wouldn't come here ever. I may sound like a pessimist but I was just realistic. Hello, Philippines is just one time zone away from Japan! Why can't he notice??? *this is shallow, I know it's entirely not his fault.* Despite the ranting I was just as hopeful as any international fan.
In the months that follow I loaded my imagination with Tego visiting Philippines, maybe for ItteQ or for a short vacation or maybe not just him--but all of NEWS--holding a little concert slash fan event. The first option, ItteQ, was the most reasonable. Though ItteQ went to Baguio (a Philippine city) years ago without him there's still a big possibility of filming an Entertainer Tegoshi segment here!! In fact, among all Johnny's talents, it is Tego who has the biggest chance of going to our country which is apparently "unknown" to Johnny's... Thank God for ItteQ. The pessimist/realist-turned-optimist/still realist me started to look forward, creating the line I never thought I'd diligently say to my self everyday: Pupunta sya rito. Kahit di ko na sya makita, ang importante pupunta sya rito. (He will come here. Even if I don't see him personally, what's important is he will come here.)
Indeed, he came. And indeed, I didn't see him personally.
It was harder than I thought. Filipino fans share the same sentiment--he came and he left, without the most of us knowing. I only got teary-eyed when the preview came out; the others cried hard! Nevertheless we were anxious to watch the full episode which was aired a week after.
He learned the Philippine Bamboo dance, the Tinikling. Ria and I guessed right--we thought Tinikling would be the first, if not the perfect thing he could learn here if ever. Days before the airing, our anticipation grew so as our questions. When did he come? Where did he stay? Did anyone see him? And the desperate question: WILL HE COME BACK?
The Filipinos are naturally close-knitted. This could be seen in social networking sites (a country so small as Philippines belongs to the top 10 or top 15 countries with most users); naturally, the Filipino fans are close-knitted too. Within a day or two, everyone in the fandom, and even the people from other fandoms, were informed of the news. A day or two before the airing, more proof came such as the fan who works at the hotel where he stayed, and the tear-jerking accounts of the dancers he worked with. One said, "He's such a lovable person! Very humble."
Oh Tego, How I strongly hope to see you someday. ;_;
Despite the celebration, there's still the bashing. The skeptics who wouldn't believe (they were, before the full ep. was aired), the cynics who said Tego might have been circling the country but the fans were scarce so one spotted him, and the haters who said Tegoshi doesn't deserve the attention. A friend told me all about this, frustrated, yet we ended up laughing. "Whatever they say! We're the lucky ones!"
Lucky is an understatement. I feel so blessed. I'm sure every Filipino fan feels the same.
Even though it was only a 20-30 minute segment and we actually expected a lot more (e.g. going to Boracay--our world-famous white sand beach!), Tegoshi doing poses at the Manila Bay, learning a Filipino dance from Filipino dancers and saying "Sankyuu PO!" (Po is a Filipino word used for respect *its equivalent in Japanese is ございます*), are definitely reasons to be proud of being a Filipino koneko-chan.
Decided to make this post because all the memories of October 7, 2011 came flooding back when I learned the news about Nicole leaving KARA and Jiyoung still contemplating whether to leave or not.
The memories were relieved and haunted me again... At first it was a bad thing; recalling every detail made me cry hard (and even contributed to my fever last Saturday ><), but Sunday night came and as with the details clearer than ever, those details made me reflect on the deeper impact of the news, its overall impact in the fandom and in my life as a fangirl.
Before October 7, 2011
I had no idea. I had no idea about the initial rumors of Yamapi leaving, no idea about Yamapi's promise to fans. I also had very little idea about Yamapi or Ryo's feelings toward NEWS, and finally, I had scarce idea about NEWS' relationship as a whole.
All I knew was they weren't releasing something, and all I did was wait.
Why? That time, I was a blind fan. I knew nothing but the songs, the PVs, the concerts and the guestings; the members, their personalities, their appearances. I didn't care much about NEWS' relationship with each other, all I cared for was "NEWS looks perfect". Yes they looked perfect, but were they perfect? I didn't notice the awkwardness among the members. I didn't notice that there were times Ryo or Pi was nowhere to be found because they had other commitments--I didn't notice all of that--except for Soukon, of course, it was quite obvious that the Soukon team had no RyoPi in it. But I didn't care. Because I was a blind fan.
So during the months that they were inactive, I was just waiting. Patiently waiting.
During October 7, 2011
A pretty normal day. In the afternoon, I quit one of my text clans because I wanted to take a break from texting. Along with me another member quit too, and we were laughing at that instance. When evening came, I randomly watched Pacific concert. I noticed I was giving unusual compliments on Pi, 'unusual' because I never talked about Pi this way:
"Pi has a wonderful smile! He smiles like this when he's with NEWS, I can see that he's really happy in the group."
After a couple of hours I received a text from kyaaaAri (Ariel) delivering the news about RyoPi's withdrawal.
"kyaaaAkuma... umalis na ang RyoPi sa NEWS."
It was all so sudden. I did not believe her at first, but after exchanging a few more texts I learned that she was serious (and that was when I also learned that Yamapi had a promise to fans), I started crying. I can't describe how much tears I've shed that night. I cried for hours, my family were already asleep so I went to the balcony of our house and continued crying there. Muttering things, flipping chairs and tables, shouting and cursing (I didn't use swear words tho), looking at the cloudy sky, praying, humming, singing... All my anger for RyoPi, all my worries for the remaining four.
This is what I wrote in my diary: