note: because this is a masterpost, not all stuff here are NEWS-related (though most of 'em are~)
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Just when I thought I'm past the habit of making anniversary posts because I've ran out of ideas to write, and tbh my yearly contents were all the same, my 7th year in the fandom is the obvious oddity. Even last year's start of fangirling over Panic! At The Disco pales to how shook my emotions are this year. (And did you know that Western Pop music completely took me back into its arms? *gasp! and more gasps ala Selena Gomez*)
But this blog is mainly dedicated to NEWS, and at most times, when I say "fandom" I automatically mean NEWS. I also know you came to this post for NEWS so yes I'll give you NEWS. Leave the cake at my door. :p
However, inadvertent it always is (no, don't believe that--I've always done it on purpose), this blog post will focus on Tegoshi. Not only because he's my bias. If my last LJ entry talked about Koyama not onlybecause it was his birthday but for the troubles he was facing that time, it's unfortunately the same with Tego. Only it can be considered worse. Great man meets great fallback. World eats boy. (At this point I'm talking not in a Fan sense, though the next paragraphs are guaranteed to be more fangirl-sounding... and emotional. I guess I'm still warming up xD)
First things first. I can't believe I have spent 7 years in the fandom. That's 1/3 of my life on Earth! I never forgot the day I fell for subgroup Tegomass for their music, and how the curiosity for the main group NEWS turned into something big, that less than a year afterwards, nobody could calm me down as I cried over Tegoshi Yuya for no reason other than I was just a fan.
It's not that hard to accept things. I can proudly say that I'm an obsessive-but-not-possessive fangirl. While I can provide a blueprint of "how to snatch Tegoshi and lock him up in my house" (jk. jk. jooooke), I won't do that, because what will happen to my gazillion Tego OTPs? I believe that the more, the merrier, so it warms my heart seeing Tegoshi gain wider fame and more fans. He got out of the shadows--that's the secret reason I got over RyoPi withdrawal that fast. EviL LaUgH harharharharhar
In spite of my extremely Tegoshi-centric fangirling during the first years, I couldn't envisage him in a successful future without the rest of the group. NEWS worked as a team and they became STRONG AF, INSEPARABLE AF, LOVABLE AF; showed they are ARTISTIC/MUSICAL AF, and most importantly: HOT AF!! (lol this makes me sound perv af) For the hundreds of thousands of fans, NEWS was/is why we love NEWS. I get more offended when NEWS is being targeted than when it's Tegoshi alone. The group is my treasure, I've expressed a lot of positivity about them. It's all genuine. Side by side, my admiration for NEWS grew big and my attachment to Tegoshi grew deep, vice versa.
I wanted this entry to be thoughtfully detailed by making it a Fandom History post (a.k.a. my fangirl journey 2010-present! I started to write regular journals coinciding with the time I started to be a NEWS fan so yes I can chart my fangirl timeline) but that wasn't what I originally meant when I said I'll post my anniversary post early; besides, my different accounts dedicated to this crazy roller coaster of emotions lifestyle have spoken way louder than any single illustrative post. Secret # 2: I've had many NEWS-related accounts/blogs and some of them gained prominence in the fandom without revealing I am behind those ;) What are these accounts? Secret~
Anyway, added to the fact that NEWS fandom is collectively peaceful, because NEWS love surprising us fans, the excitement was always there and it was nearly impossible that the feelings will die out. This place has become such a huge part of my life--more than the longevity, although I consider it too because rarely I get attached to something--it's the heart and mind investment that counts. The dedication. The passion. Here's one more secret: I silently judged those who left the fandom. I was really devoted to NEWS that I didn't understand why the other 'devotees' could just leave like that, especially in the recent years, when the group is at its peak in activity. Why abandon when everything finally feels right? The more the merrier was my philosophy when it comes to this, so when anybody stopped being a fan, I took it to heart.
2016 suddenly became a turning point. Maybe because I was subconsciously stressed about entering adulthood, or maybe it was P!ATD bursting the bubble that's been long enclosed in NEWS, or maybe it was caused by my forming doubts on Tegoshi's attitude and behavior (more on the next paragraphs) that I fathomed the feeling of decreasing enthusiasm. I realized that the level of love could stay the same, but you can love that thing andnot be overly passionate about it. Furthermore, my disappointment over leaving fans was gone, and I learned that many of those who left didn't actually stopped loving NEWS; they just stopped at acting like fans and doing fan things.
To comprehend these... It felt liberating, yet it bothered me somehow. I was still very attached to Tegoshi and the fandom, and the dwindling of passion was conficting with the strong feelings I still have inside.( still a long post ahead! )
Things are getting back to normal. 2017 is generally delightful for NEWS, with NEVERLAND album being their most musically daring album yet, the 3-month concert tour comes to an emotional finish. Koyama is again chosen for 24hrTV. There are new J-web corners. SCP's doing great; they've got more time for group bonds, and a simultaneous boom in indivudual/duo shows and projects. The members' relationship are stronger than ever (generic statement but very true, they're stronger than ever). Fandom's turning 15 next year! Once a dream, now the norm, NEWS is heading to an amazing direction. If Koyama and Tegoshi's rumors have one positive implication, it is the fact that NEWS is now worthy to be publicized with that kind of attention. While not exactly pleasant, it's an indicator that NEWS has definitely piqued the consciousness of virtually anyone in Japan.
And there goes my ichiban. All I've really wanted for him is to be a good person. It is a blanket term because 'good' can mean a lot of things. Obviously, I don't expect him to become an altruist or give up his current lifestyle. I don't want him to tone down. I just hope he'd be more mindful, with the personal potential he's got, and the kind of focus he utilizes to achieve things... He could be a reckless idol yet a responsible person at the same time. How about inspiring? He already is. Just his presence can make his fans dream big, think big. You've heard him speak seriously, it's almost enlightening. Everyone could muse about his face, his voice, his physical/mental/emotional strength and abilities. The catch is, inspiration can't be seen, so only us who stand by him can understand how clear an inspiration Tegoshi radiates.
It's theoretically hard to have intense feelings for someone who doesn't even know you, but if that intensity has found its way to your system, it turns into faith. I'm proud that I support Tegoshi, in a myriad of ways and in the brightest and darkest of days, such as this. I want to say it's Love but the term is always debatable in celebrity-fan situations... However, even some people in actual relationships don't think about their partners in depth and isn't concerned much with the character, the potential, the good and the bad, and how things could be in the long run. Maybe I am just the overthinker kind, but with all that's embraced is it still wrong to say that I love Tegoshi? I believe that these seven years are love, regardless of distance, regardless of not knowing everything. In spite of my often exaggerations and misjudgements. The faith is there. I love Tegoshi Yuya and I love NEWS. I may not be as enthusiastic as before but this love has become a constant thing--it never ends.
One last secret: When I saw the photos and reports of Tegoshi crying at the con, I cried for him at least twice a day for five days straight. "Apathetic", huh :p Not really relevant to everyone but to this post! xD Happy 7th anniversary to me :)
*It's my first time to post through LJ mobile which I think is a huge disadvantage because of limited controls, and I have no idea how it would appear on browsers. Pls bear if the post turns out cluttered*
Koyama is now 33 years old and three years in his 30's say not so much appearance-wise. Unlike people whose face don't age, Koyama's face gets youngeras he ages! Still, there's lot of unspoken words about this person; he's sometimes taken at face value and for the role he plays in the group: the leader. Undoubtedly true, but Koyama's more than these. He's a newscaster--he's influencial. Among NEWS, he's the one attuned to the pulse of the general public, whether he's ever made it visible or not. This tall dork know what motivates people, and he's glad to be pulled along because he also knows how to pull along, in his own way. In other words, Koyama is secretly a business tycoon. Joke.
The point is, Koyama is smarter and more noble than what he shows to fans. With him, things fall into place. Might as well check yourselves because Koyama must've made you fall under his influence... a good kind of it. *He's a good person so he'll only leave an imprint of good things ;)*( The way of the Keiichan... )
More than a month of fangirling over Panic! At The Disco and this band effortlessly makes its mark on me as a lifetime influence, just like NEWS. It took the same quick period for NEWS to secure that spot in my life, by the way. (And look how far I've gone walking with NEWS ♥ With Panic! it might just be the same!)
There's no denying it. Panic! is now at par with NEWS: My number 1 fandom, my favorite people, my greatest inspiration, etc. And because I can't just let two "number ones" compete for my enthusiasm, time and appreciation, I've cited a big distinction between the two; yeah, I sound like a sore arbiter but it has made me at peace with my feelings ever since. (Damn were the days in late April when I was very new to Panic! and I kept weighing my passion for both bands ><)
NEWS in QUARTETTO concert tour (cr: inala )
NEWS is my family. The place where I belong. It's a habitat that thrives on love; I get my ample share, and I give my ample support in return. Here is where I feel the safest, yet here is also where I feel bold. Tegoshi is my ideal person. Despite this, I don't actually want to be like Tegoshi. And NEWS' personality doesn't really speak to me on a personal level. I've found more of myself in Panic!.
Key word in NEWS is familial.
(cr: Panic!'s FB page)
Panic! At The Disco is my spirit animal. It's who I am both in my weakest and in my strongest. I see myself in the metaphors of their lyric-writing, especially Ryan's. I see my ideal self in Brendon's personality, musicality, and creativity. I want to be like Brendon. The band's success and freedom are my goals. But my source of nurturing and support is NEWS. And Tegoshi remains as my ideal person.
Key word in P!ATD is personal.
But maybe you wonder HOW it's Panic! among other bands and artists. Tbh, since I became into NEWS, Western bands, whatever genre they're doing, were all the same to me. The Panic! I knew, was a musical fling back in 2008. For a fact, I didn't know who Panic! was/were, except for the attention-hogging name *!* and a couple of songs which were a little part of my huge adolescent playlist by various artists and that was the actual musical fling).
I sang along to I Write Sins Not Tragedies and even made a Tagalog parody without knowing the names of the band members and what they look like. So how did that change? How was I reintroduced to the band and became the fan that I am today? Oh, well imagine, as I'm searching Wikipedia about Neoclassical Music and I can't help but to see, oh I can't help but to see a link that says: "List of Baroque Pop Artists"...
...It's partly NEWS' fault.
April 12, 2016. I was halfway through my QUARTETTO album review (that
still isn't posted is also posted today, after almost 3 months delay, and it's partly Panic!'s fault! Hahaha) when I had to check Wikipedia for Classical Music terms and references. NEWS' new style is specifically Neoclassical (lit. "New Classical") and its subgenres, best known of which is Baroque Pop. Out of curiosity, I checked the link List of Baroque Pop Artists to see if maybe there are familiar artists I'd chance there. I saw Kalafina in the list and I was honestly not surprised, though very, very pleased because the JPop trio was my jam at the time (They're still my jam!). Besides Kalafina, Panic! At The Disco was present.
Taking a break from my NEWS review I clicked on Panic!'s Wiki page, and it's not that I didn't have any choice of other artists yet I was genuinely interested why the band is under Baroque Pop. I knew them as an alternative rock band--again, I actually didn't know anything about the band prior to rediscovery but I wasn't that ignorant to not know they were alternative rock. Sure, I memorized 'I Write Sins...' stripped down to its cello intro but the other Panic! songs I remembered were so different from each other.
But the thing that intrigued me more was seeing the current line-up: a one-man band! Naturally, you'd check that sole member when there are no other options to check (ex-members are another topic). Coincidentally, it was Brendon *I wrote "Brandon" in my diary and people in the fandom said 90% will probably get his name wrong at first encounter--and I belong to that huge percentage orz* Urie's birthday that day so being a cheesy believer of fate I believed the coincidence was a sign I have to explore the band.
He's approximately 7 months older than Tegoshi, and approx 8 years older than me. Wtf is with these '87-liners huhuu
Also as I was having problems regarding my feelings for Tegoshi *HAHAHAHA I NEVER TOLD YOU ABOUT IT, LIVEJOURNAL!* the urge for exploring other artists was strong (though I have been in the exploration phase since last year). I listened to MAMAMOO, AOA, and Kalafina more frequently than I listened to NEWS, and since Panic!'s confusing genre retained to me throughout that week, I finally searched the band on Youtube.
At this point my interest to know Panic! grew at a fast rate. Aside from the obvious that Victorious, I Write Sins Not Tragedies, and Nine In The Afternoon are insanely different songs for a single band and that kind of variety is my ultimate dream if I become a de facto musician, I was sure I knew more songs; I just haven't recalled everything yet.
In my second try at exploring the band on Youtube I saw more recent as well as familiar songs/videos, and the incessant variety kept me excited. I was particularly awestruck by Time To Dance, it was one of the old songs I liked so baaaad. Hearing it again after years was so classic it evoked an important question--why didn't I appreciate Panic! as much as I did for Paramore?--that question is important because Paramore is my first-ever favorite artist, hence I never dared to put it in line with my fandoms and other favorites.
Until I rediscovered Panic! and I was oddly attracted to the band strong enough that after Youtube I immediately followed fandom pages/websites too. Finally, it was during midnight of April 22, ten days after Brendon's birthday and the accidental rediscovery, that I proclaimed over a sleepless night of laughing to Panic! memes: The band is now officially added to my fandoms. ♥
That's when something unprecendented (at least for me) happened. A couple of hours later, Panic! announced that they'll be having a concert in the Philippines this August!
Caption: This kind of news would really give one a panic *oh yeah I just made a pun involving my two faves! xD
The rest is history; I mean, it's just a little over a month since I entered the fandom but in the days and weeks I've spent many big changes already happened, as seen from how it quickly climbed the ladder from being "just another fandom" to being the number one fandom.
Discography & Line-up changes. You know you truly love something when you love every aspect of it. (cr: panicatthesocialgrathering)
And no, it's more than fandom stuff. Things have changed personally, from my way of thinking, to my habits, to my goals. I'm currently working all of these so it's not a great time to discuss personal matters, and maybe they're too personal for the blog anyway.
I still love NEWS truly, deeply... but Panic! At The Disco redefined me. As I said, Panic! is my spirit animal. For the band's fans, it feels uncomfortable when the exclamation point in the name is missing. For me, it's my turning point in that exclamation point.
And I love history. I may never have made a ‘stages of fangirling’ post, but I always love to backtrack. NEWS did the Myojo 10,000-character interview twice; the first was in 2011, the latter was last year. Chankapaana means "my beloved" and it's our name since 2012. I remember one day in March five years ago when I first cried hard because of Tegoshi (for you know, langit ka lupa ako reasons ><"), to the first time I pulled an all-nighter for NEWS; the first time I played a NEWS song on the piano on impromptu (improvising chord progressions lol); and definitely, the very day I became a fangirl. Good thing I had just started writing a serious diary back then. Everything was recorded and it was hilarious. I cannot believe I fell for a Japanese! Not being racist--I just didn't appreciate Japan, it was the country I had the least interest in. I even wanted to go to Africa first!
When I entered the fandom, it was a totally warm and welcoming world that I felt I was going to last. In fact, I have a long-time envy of long-time fans... there's this want to reach what they've reached. Most fans I know were ahead by 3 or 4 years while I was a newbie. During my 3rd year, which means the older fans passed the 6th and 7th year mark, the want turned into an aim. I aimed to reach the 6th, 7th years. I dunno what will happen next, or if NEWS would still exist, but that was my conscious decision: to be a long-time fan.
Working towards this aim I actually felt very natural. Even there was only a single release in 2014, that year was one of my active years. 2015 was a NEWSfest and I forgot about my internal timetable. Stages of fangirling what? Where am I? Where should I be?? Nah, everyone's enjoying the heap of activities and so do I!
NEWS appears to be unstoppable. I, meanwhile, am beating the 6th-year mark in June--three months from now. Taking a little time (thus writing this entry) to reflect, it’s meaningful and relieving, because in a way it has become a life goal and I've reached it faster and easier than I imagined. My dream of celebrating my longevity--a dream almost as intense as seeing Tegoshi in person, is just on the horizon. ♥
This sentiment will probably make the older fans, the 3 or 4 years ahead of me fans, laugh at how silly I am with this 6th year thing whereas they’re in their 9th or 10th year now! Or better yet, they can relate. I've never known a fan who isn't sentimental and counts the years of stay in the fandom like celebrating wedding anniversaries.
Maybe I'm not concerned with the stages of fangirling, because I find eras more appealing, as I've lept the stages in time, and all I could ever think now is how far could this go (I've always thought of that, apparently). Another aim: 10 years? Nah, everyone's enjoying the heap of activities and so do I! But seriously. Betting on 10 years, I'm getting unnecessarily anxious.
Whenever I'm feeling unnecessarily anxious I just think of Tegoshi's cheeks that are like dough. I don't necessarily know why too. (gif: koyamacchi)
Below is the most famous 'stages of fangirling' meme, or the most accurate among the ones I researched for the sake of this post. :> Okay, though I'm not very attentive, it doesn't mean I deny the truth that's in these memes. It happens to me and it happens to everyone else; within these long eras and years of being in a fandom these stages repeat themselves over and over again. Sigh. This is why I stayed.
#10 We Can't Stop - Miley Cyrus
#9 Lionheart – SNSD