addictdesu: (NEWS)

Just when I thought I'm past the habit of making anniversary posts because I've ran out of ideas to write, and tbh my yearly contents were all the same, my 7th year in the fandom is the obvious oddity. Even last year's start of fangirling over Panic! At The Disco pales to how shook my emotions are this year. (And did you know that Western Pop music completely took me back into its arms? *gasp! and more gasps ala Selena Gomez*)

But this blog is mainly dedicated to NEWS, and at most times, when I say "fandom" I automatically mean NEWS. I also know you came to this post for NEWS so yes I'll give you NEWS. Leave the cake at my door. :p

However, inadvertent it always is (no, don't believe that--I've always done it on purpose), this blog post will focus on Tegoshi. Not only because he's my bias. If my last LJ entry talked about Koyama not onlybecause it was his birthday but for the troubles he was facing that time, it's unfortunately the same with Tego. Only it can be considered worse. Great man meets great fallback. World eats boy. (At this point I'm talking not in a Fan sense, though the next paragraphs are guaranteed to be more fangirl-sounding... and emotional. I guess I'm still warming up xD)

First things first. I can't believe I have spent 7 years in the fandom. That's 1/3 of my life on Earth! I never forgot the day I fell for subgroup Tegomass for their music, and how the curiosity for the main group NEWS turned into something big, that less than a year afterwards, nobody could calm me down as I cried over Tegoshi Yuya for no reason other than I was just  a fan.

It's not that hard to accept things. I can proudly say that I'm an obsessive-but-not-possessive fangirl. While I can provide a blueprint of "how to snatch Tegoshi and lock him up in my house" (jk. jk. jooooke), I won't do that, because what will happen to my gazillion Tego OTPs? I believe that the more, the merrier, so it warms my heart seeing Tegoshi gain wider fame and more fans. He got out of the shadows--that's the secret reason I got over RyoPi withdrawal that fast. EviL LaUgH harharharharhar

In spite of my extremely Tegoshi-centric fangirling during the first years, I couldn't envisage him in a successful future without the rest of the group. NEWS worked as a team and they became STRONG AF, INSEPARABLE AF, LOVABLE AF; showed they are ARTISTIC/MUSICAL AF, and most importantly: HOT AF!! (lol this makes me sound perv af) For the hundreds of thousands of fans, NEWS was/is why we love NEWS. I get more offended when NEWS is being targeted than when it's Tegoshi alone. The group is my treasure, I've expressed a lot of positivity about them. It's all genuine. Side by side, my admiration for NEWS grew big and my attachment to Tegoshi grew deep, vice versa.

I wanted this entry to be thoughtfully detailed by making it a Fandom History post (a.k.a. my fangirl journey 2010-present! I started to write regular journals coinciding with the time I started to be a NEWS fan so yes I can chart my fangirl timeline) but that wasn't what I originally meant when I said I'll post my anniversary post early; besides, my different accounts dedicated to this crazy roller coaster of emotions lifestyle have spoken way louder than any single illustrative post. Secret # 2: I've had many NEWS-related accounts/blogs and some of them gained prominence in the fandom without revealing I am behind those ;) What are these accounts? Secret~

Anyway, added to the fact that NEWS fandom is collectively peaceful, because NEWS love surprising us fans, the excitement was always there and it was nearly impossible that the feelings will die out. This place has become such a huge part of my life--more than the longevity, although I consider it too because rarely I get attached to something--it's the heart and mind investment that counts. The dedication. The passion. Here's one more secret: I silently judged those who left the fandom. I was really devoted to NEWS that I didn't understand why the other 'devotees' could just leave like that, especially in the recent years, when the group is at its peak in activity. Why abandon when everything finally feels right? The more the merrier was my philosophy when it comes to this, so when anybody stopped being a fan, I took it to heart.

2016 suddenly became a turning point. Maybe because I was subconsciously stressed about entering adulthood, or maybe it was P!ATD bursting the bubble that's been long enclosed in NEWS, or maybe it was caused by my forming doubts on Tegoshi's attitude and behavior (more on the next paragraphs) that I fathomed the feeling of decreasing enthusiasm. I realized that the level of love could stay the same, but you can love that thing andnot be overly passionate about it. Furthermore, my disappointment over leaving fans was gone, and I learned that many of those who left didn't actually stopped loving NEWS; they just stopped at acting like fans and doing fan things.

To comprehend these... It felt liberating, yet it bothered me somehow. I was still very attached to Tegoshi and the fandom, and the dwindling of passion was conficting with the strong feelings I still have inside.

still a long post ahead! )

Things are getting back to normal. 2017 is generally delightful for NEWS, with NEVERLAND album being their most musically daring album yet, the 3-month concert tour comes to an emotional finish. Koyama is again chosen for 24hrTV. There are new J-web corners. SCP's doing great; they've got more time for group bonds, and a simultaneous boom in indivudual/duo shows and projects. The members' relationship are stronger than ever (generic statement but very true, they're stronger than ever). Fandom's turning 15 next year! Once a dream, now the norm, NEWS is heading to an amazing direction. If Koyama and Tegoshi's rumors have one positive implication, it is the fact that NEWS is now worthy to be publicized with that kind of attention. While not exactly pleasant, it's an indicator that NEWS has definitely piqued the consciousness of virtually anyone in Japan.

And there goes my ichiban. All I've really wanted for him is to be a good person. It is a blanket term because 'good' can mean a lot of things. Obviously, I don't expect him to become an altruist or give up his current lifestyle. I don't want him to tone down. I just hope he'd be more mindful, with the personal potential he's got, and the kind of focus he utilizes to achieve things... He could be a reckless idol yet a responsible person at the same time. How about inspiring? He already is. Just his presence can make his fans dream big, think big. You've heard him speak seriously, it's almost enlightening. Everyone could muse about his face, his voice, his physical/mental/emotional strength and abilities. The catch is, inspiration can't be seen, so only us who stand by him can understand how clear an inspiration Tegoshi radiates.

It's theoretically hard to have intense feelings for someone who doesn't even know you, but if that intensity has found its way to your system, it turns into faith. I'm proud that I support Tegoshi, in a myriad of ways and in the brightest and darkest of days, such as this. I want to say it's Love but the term is always debatable in celebrity-fan situations... However, even some people in actual relationships don't think about their partners in depth and isn't concerned much with the character, the potential, the good and the bad, and how things could be in the long run. Maybe I am just the overthinker kind, but with all that's embraced is it still wrong to say that I love Tegoshi? I believe that these seven years are love, regardless of distance, regardless of not knowing everything. In spite of my often exaggerations and misjudgements. The faith is there. I love Tegoshi Yuya and I love NEWS. I may not be as enthusiastic as before but this love has become a constant thing--it never ends.

One last secret: When I saw the photos and reports of Tegoshi crying at the con, I cried for him at least twice a day for five days straight. "Apathetic", huh :p Not really relevant to everyone but to this post! xD Happy 7th anniversary to me :)

addictdesu: (beebo)

*It's my first time to post through LJ mobile which I think is a huge disadvantage because of limited controls, and I have no idea how it would appear on browsers. Pls bear if the post turns out cluttered*


Koyama is now 33 years old and three years in his 30's say not so much appearance-wise. Unlike people whose face don't age, Koyama's face gets youngeras he ages! Still, there's lot of unspoken words about this person; he's sometimes taken at face value and for the role he plays in the group: the leader. Undoubtedly true, but Koyama's more than these. He's a newscaster--he's influencial. Among NEWS, he's the one attuned to the pulse of the general public, whether he's ever made it visible or not. This tall dork know what motivates people, and he's glad to be pulled along because he also knows how to pull along, in his own way. In other words, Koyama is secretly a business tycoon. Joke.

The point is, Koyama is smarter and more noble than what he shows to fans. With him, things fall into place. Might as well check yourselves because Koyama must've made you fall under his influence... a good kind of it. *He's a good person so he'll only leave an imprint of good things ;)*

The way of the Keiichan... )

addictdesu: (from Haruka-chan)
For the past months, I've been trying to post things other than my obligatory Music reviews and year-enders, but I can't. It seems that my thoughts on things other than the aforementioned subject matters don't matter anymore. No one has made me feel this way, but I do; and I don't know how or why, but I still do.

Just for the week I had two drafts written but I stress over whether to post them or not. For one, the contents speak of being real, and though I don't think I've been pretentious big-time, I know I've also been hiding many things. When there's a flick of courage-mixed-honesty influencing my emotions to write, as soon as I finish the posts I'm back to sucking them up. And there's more guilt in that, because I already prepared my mind to expose--then suddenly I'll snap: Wait! Is this right? Isn't this too bothersome? Is this essential? Resulting in frustration topping frustrations.

I'm frustrated with many things, dear journal, and they don't show. I wish I could talk about them but again, what just happens is the description above.

EDIT (April 10): With the recent major changes that's happened in LiveJournal, its management and the terms, it is like a blessing in disguise for keeping me watchful over the site again nowadays. Moreover, in case anything dire happens to Livejournal, I created a Dreamwidth account where all my entries are imported, and crossposted from now on!
 
Addict I am, A D D I C T D E S U
 
P.S. I have a new "fandom" (not yet full-fledged fan but ugh I'm addicted enough)

 
Even though they're also 4 members now *cries*
addictdesu: (tegoshi target)
We've seen a lot 'stages of fangirling' memes, charts, and posts on the internet. Me, who always attempts (and enjoys!) turning existing ideas into my own version, never did one, because this is one aspect of fangirling I'm not very certain about. It's like evolution--you will never know what's next except if you're the next. In general we are better in exploring backwards that's why it's easier to be a historian than an inventor.

Fangirling has its Jurassic Period, Ice Age, Dawn of Man, Dark Ages, Contemporary, blah blah blah counterparts.


And I love history. I may never have made a ‘stages of fangirling’ post, but I always love to backtrack. NEWS did the Myojo 10,000-character interview twice; the first was in 2011, the latter was last year. Chankapaana means "my beloved" and it's our name since 2012. I remember one day in March five years ago when I first cried hard because of Tegoshi (for you know, langit ka lupa ako reasons ><"), to the first time I pulled an all-nighter for NEWS; the first time I played a NEWS song on the piano on impromptu (improvising chord progressions lol); and definitely, the very day I became a fangirl. Good thing I had just started writing a serious diary back then. Everything was recorded and it was hilarious. I cannot believe I fell for a Japanese! Not being racist--I just didn't appreciate Japan, it was the country I had the least interest in. I even wanted to go to Africa first!

When I entered the fandom, it was a totally warm and welcoming world that I felt I was going to last. In fact, I have a long-time envy of long-time fans... there's this want to reach what they've reached. Most fans I know were ahead by 3 or 4 years while I was a newbie. During my 3rd year, which means the older fans passed the 6th and 7th year mark, the want turned into an aim. I aimed to reach the 6th, 7th years. I dunno what will happen next, or if NEWS would still exist, but that was my conscious decision: to be a long-time fan.

Working towards this aim I actually felt very natural. Even there was only a single release in 2014, that year was one of my active years. 2015 was a NEWSfest and I forgot about my internal timetable. Stages of fangirling what? Where am I? Where should I be?? Nah, everyone's enjoying the heap of activities and so do I!

NEWS appears to be unstoppable. I, meanwhile, am beating the 6th-year mark in June--three months from now. Taking a little time (thus writing this entry) to reflect, it’s meaningful and relieving, because in a way it has become a life goal and I've reached it faster and easier than I imagined. My dream of celebrating my longevity--a dream almost as intense as seeing Tegoshi in person, is just on the horizon. ♥

This sentiment will probably make the older fans, the 3 or 4 years ahead of me fans, laugh at how silly I am with this 6th year thing whereas they’re in their 9th or 10th year now! Or better yet, they can relate. I've never known a fan who isn't sentimental and counts the years of stay in the fandom like celebrating wedding anniversaries.

Maybe I'm not concerned with the stages of fangirling, because I find eras more appealing, as I've lept the stages in time, and all I could ever think now is how far could this go (I've always thought of that, apparently). Another aim: 10 years? Nah, everyone's enjoying the heap of activities and so do I! But seriously. Betting on 10 years, I'm getting unnecessarily anxious.


Whenever I'm feeling unnecessarily anxious I just think of Tegoshi's cheeks that are like dough. I don't necessarily know why too. (gif: koyamacchi)

Below is the most famous 'stages of fangirling' meme, or the most accurate among the ones I researched for the sake of this post. :> Okay, though I'm not very attentive, it doesn't mean I deny the truth that's in these memes. It happens to me and it happens to everyone else; within these long eras and years of being in a fandom these stages repeat themselves over and over again. Sigh. This is why I stayed.

addictdesu: (Toph)
(It should have been "Top 10 picks" but it cannot be helped...)

It was my 2015 plan to be #MovingForward, so with a good deal of effort I tried involving myself in more things, practice good habits, and make some changes in mindset and appearance. But I did not expect that it would also be my year of exploring music/music artists much more enthusiastically than the past 5 years combined. The music exploration mostly centered on KPop, since my love for Korean girl groups rekindled (to the point that I have added two more groups to my fandoms list!--more on that on later entries). Also, for RL purposes, I did some intensive research and appreciation for Jazz music. My online and offline playlists flourished with Country, Ethnic, French songs, American pop, Filipino pop. My karaoke 'repertoire' expanded to new and old songs too. Most importantly, I have found JPop female singers that I really like! If you still remember how in 2014 I was interested in listening to JPop females, I've acted upon this interest in 2015.

Whether you look around or not, good music is anywhere. Let me share to you the good music I have experienced this year--of course 'good' music is subjective, but you might find these songs worthy of lending your ears.

Note: Nope, don't expect a varied and unconventional list. It's (still) KPop and JPop, Idol-dominated. I'll probably make a list for other languages and genres but ... um never mind, I'll most likely forget doing it :p Sorry, passions come first :p

#11 Don't Touch Me – Ailee

  • Release date: September 25, 2014

  • Why it's on the list: Call it ambitious, but I think I've got a celebrity voice-a-like in Ailee (Lee Yejin). Hearing her ballads feels like listening to my own voice. *shock!* The time I realized that, I didn't even know she was very much revered for her vocals *more shock!* and is dubbed the Beyoncé of Korea. *ultimate shock!* Don't Touch Me is one of Ailee's upbeat songs, purposely displaying how much of a "Beyoncé" she can be. Though I find the song falling short of the diva sound Korea's boasting about, I'm still in love with its danceable rhythm and Dreamgirls-like feel.




#10 We Can't Stop - Miley Cyrus


  • Release date: June 3, 2013

  • Why it's on the list: For some reason the lyrics make me happy. The classic YOLO mentality, as expected from Miley Cyrus. But what touches me is probably the slow, relaxed beat of the song, and that it doesn't include lots of effects and chaotic melodies most party songs have. It doesn't sound 'wild'. In fact, it was my motivational song for the late part of 2014 to early 2015. Party doesn't always mean twerking around--I had a helluva fun swaying and putting my hands up to this song.



#9 Lionheart – SNSD


  • Release date: August 18, 2015

  • Why it's on the list: Love at first hear, man. 60's Retro sound and all (think of Pearly Shells and Tiny Bubbles). Girls Generation stays at the top of the game this year with Lionheart the album's release; sadly many KPop fans (Sones or not), were disappointed at the title track. For me, it's the other way around. Among the three A-sides included in the album, this is my favorite! The direct retro influence made me impulsively warm up to it. I love it so much that I link it to good feelings and happy memories. Sadly (again), the song is particularly sad, but this does not stop me from thinking it's one of the tunes that from the moment I've listened to, it will always give me a bubbly lift.



#8 VOICE – AI

  • Release date: February 13, 2013

  • Why it's on the list: A song cover brought me to AI and her soulful singing that I instantaneously praised when I heard her song VOICE. With a strong lyrics to an equally strong vocals and accompaniment, this borderline Pop-Dance-RnB sparked out part of my philanthropic self; whenever I listen to this track I can imagine barren deserts and gloomy nights, and aid in the form of rain, flashing lights, and dancing the dance like it's an anthem of some sort! Its prominent, modernistic beat matched with AI's bluesy voice sets it apart from the songs in this list.




#7 Oh JANE - 片平里菜  (Katahira Rina) Highly recommended!

  • Release date: April 30, 2014

  • Why it's on the list: Love at first hear too (actually, most of the songs in this list are!). Maybe I've already mentioned this, but I wasn't really impressed by young Japanese female singers except for a few... and Katahira Rina, upon hearing how this song is perfect for her voice, and how most of her songs deem fit for my tastes, is added to my must-follow artists. For reference, her voice sounds like YUI and Tommy Heavenly6 combined. But why she stands out for me is because I think she has a more solid connection to her genre. Oh JANE is one of her best songs.




#6 Piano Man - MAMAMOO Highly recommended!

  • Release date: November 21, 2014

  • Why it's on the list: I've mentioned diva and Dreamgirls stuff on the 10th spot. If there's one artist on this list that deserves the diva title, it's MAMAMOO. They are a 4-member group by the way. But all members are vocal powerhouses, and they slay every song! Piano Man is their most powerful song up to date. Jazzy, groovy, and has lots of piano (obviously), raps, and belting, this track is something I would steal and make my own when I become a singer lol that might forever change the way you see KPop. (A dance song that has no effects and autotune at all--because they can!)





#5 Tonight – SPICA

  • Release date: August 28, 2013

  • Why it's on the list: Among these tracks, this is the one that has made me cry. Not just once, but twice. Not just a shed of tear but a full "fck the world feel my feeeeeeels!" sobbing. This pop-rock track just gives that soaring vibe, and is a great traveling song. I cried to it one night when I was extra creative and imagined a music video... Different people; from a singer on a concert, to a lady by a campfire, to a student in a library, to a cancer patient on her bed, and more; are singing the same song. It was so vivid I was crying while singing it myself. The second time was for more personal reasons so I won't say it here. I was surprised though, when I learned it was a love song rather than a friendship song (I thought it was), but because it's also a song about dreams I fell in love with it more.




#4 Last Hope - Paramore Highly recommended!

  • Release date: April 5, 2013

  • Why it's on the list: I am referring to the Live version (see video), not the studio version though that rocked as well. It's surprising! Never thought I'd once again stan the band's discography the way I did around 2008-2009, when Paramore was one of my favorite music artists. Rediscovering them again in 2015 gave me the same feelings over their familiar yet newfangled music. Last Hope gives me the chills whenever I listen to it. The heartfelt, almost spiritual lyrics, Hayley's quality live voice, the indelible instruments in a sea of dazzled audience--a perfect performance--is proof that Paramore is still my favorite rock band.




#3 Holy Night With You - Kis-My-Ft2

  • Release date: December 24, 2014

  • Why it's on the list: I love Christmas songs! Whether for their cheery mood, or the lyric content, or the pleasing sound of the bells, I have yet to find a Christmas song I don't like. In Holy Night With You, I've found an ultimate favorite. It was love at first hear that I knew was really love. It does not have any special 'something' to it and the melody is a bit clichéd either. It just so happens that the simple melody speaks for the theme so much--it sounds 'holy', it has a 'night' feel, and easy to sing--a 'with you' vibe. Simply put, the track carries me away. And hearing all the members get significant lines makes it so.much.sweeter.


MP3 >> http://dai.ly/x2zghhc

#2 KAGUYA - NEWS Highly recommended!

  • Release date: January 7, 2015

  • Why it's on the list: Because it's KAGUYA, for effin's sake! Yep. It's because NEWS nailed this song, blowing a great blast to the year's opening (which also ended up great for NEWS indeed). KAGUYA is compelling and sexy, yet profound and unique. It has received positive reviews from respected reviewers *redirecting you to my own review!*, and an outstanding reception from fans and non-fans alike. Having said, this list is the perfect chance to brag about it one more time!





──

Before I go to the 1st Rank... Here are the other songs that did well on making my heart swell this 2015, yet failed to reach the Top 11 list (but these songs are awesome as well--and that's an understatement!)

  • あなた (Anata) - 片平里菜 (Katahira Rina)

  • BYAKUYA - NEWS

  • チュムチュム (Chumu Chumu) - NEWS

  • Dead or Alive - KAT-TUN

  • BYAKUYA - NEWS

  • Happiness - Red Velvet

  • Kiss (Kiss Damashii) - Kis-My-Ft2

  • 長く短い祭 (Nagaku Mijikai Matsuri) - 椎名林檎 (Shiina Ringo)

  • Red Light - f(x)

  • Starlight – KARA

  • These Foolish Things {Remind Me Of You} - Ella Fitzgerald

  • Unconditionally - Katy Perry

  • One Last Time - Ariana Grande

  • Still Into You – Paramore

Here it is! My favorite song for the year (and I kid you not, it's now my most favorite song ever)

#1 Like a Cat - AOA

  • Release date: November 11, 2014

  • Why it's on the list: If you noticed I did not put a "Highly recommended" mark here. Seriously, it's the only song in this list that I did not love at first hear! It's not remarkable (well it depends--with my kind of readers in this blog/journal I don't think it would appeal to you), however... like a cat it sneaked up to me and, like a cat, it settled, and pleasingly killed my sanity. The song has a veeeery catchy sound, danceable rhythm, high-pitched annoying vocals, sultry lyrics. Oh, but right now as I'm writing, it's becoming clear to me that it resembles KAGUYA (the music video is black and red-themed and is very sexy too). Maybe the plus point is it's sung by a girl group, so it's easier for me to sing along and relate to than I would if it was sung by men. Anyway, I could literally listen to it for 50 times a day! Music-wise I can't say anything wise about the track, but I would instantly recommend it if this list is about the catchiest songs. ('Coz is it still not obvious that I'm addicted to this song?)




The craziest thing is, as mentioned above it resembles KAGUYA, was released on 11/11/2014, the lead singer has blond hair, and the song's title is Like A Cat, and... and... do you get where I'm heading at? I mean... I don't even want to think of Tegoshi but it's really undeniably Tegoshi and ugh why am I making this about Tegoshi but hey I never planned this it's just the way it is. *CRIES*

(Cooling down. Dear readers, I don't want you to think that I picked this song because of the Tegoshi connection. My list would be forfeited if in the end it's not about the music but a person. This is a music post, and though it's downright crazy *and amazing* to have these kinds of linkages, in the end it's about what I hear--the melody, the rhythm, the genre--and what are the effects on me.)

──

Looking through this post, my noob choices in music despite my music 'expertise' is further certified. Alas! I am also a fangirl, and it's obvious that my current taste is influenced by my faves. But we should always remember that there's no bad music at all. Because, each to their own. :)

This 2016, I want to do more genre-searching, artist-loving music enjoyment. I know it'll gonna start high because of NEWS' new single on January 20!! The rest is up to my willful powers and curiosity mix. Hoping to always bring something to the table, this has been my top picks for 2015. 
addictdesu: (NEWS)
(Belated) HAPPY NEW YEAR and (always) a HAPPY NEWS YEAR!

How's everyone doing? My January, so far, is not so smooth sailing. As early as the 1st I had some complaints about my chest, soon finding out I have a cyst on my left breast. Although it's not cancerous and the pain has naturally reduced.

On the 9th it was followed by Mama who called with the news that her long-time Anemia has gone severe and that she immediately needs to have a blood transfusion because taking meds will not suffice anymore. I remember my grandpa (mom's dad) who died of Leukemia, undetected until it was too late and little was done to save his life. And who would forget Tegoshi's father who suddenly died at around this time last year. (I never made an entry about it here but it's a topic I've a lot to say, especially now that I am more vulnerable T^T). Today, I'm not actually feeling down as I write this post, but I'm definitely struggling with things.

Add with the weeks of unstable, poor internet connection. And USB problem I dunno how to fix (unless buying a new one). And earphones starting to wear down. So while I'm happy that at least I know I'd be welcomed with lots of good news from NEWS (well, I am still updated from time to time; just not active and cannot download *haven't watched JCD whether the full show or cuts, for example!*), I'm technically missing a lot.

It's not entirely a happy period for my fandoms too. Believe it or not, KARA is (possibly) disbanding. Seriously, DSP, why? They're not even an underdog group! They're popular; makes money for their flagship company; they've been at the top! One of the pillars of KPop! Tbh I haven't fully bounced back from when the group lost Nicole and Jiyoung. And I already love Youngji that I'm hurting for her if the dissolution happens. What will happen to her? To Gyuri, Hammie and Hara?

I believe that because I danced in the eve of January 1 I'll dancing the whole year round. What happens to me now is dancing through challenges, dancing through changes, and dancing the hard steps--all to make me a pro. (Wait, I'm crying~ ;o; I still use analogies and 'clever' sentences even at this time)

Anyway, this post is a spontaneous act; I just wanted to pass by and say my late new year's greetings! I also want to tell dear F-list and readers that I have rediscovered my love for blogging... Once I'm stress-free and back to normal I'll frequently post here again. :D

I'll first post my delayed posts (like Chumuchumu single review which is almost 7 months late huhuhu) and then see what to continue from there. Imma rest for now. ^^ Happy new year! ♥

#KeepGoing2016
addictdesu: (tegoshi heart)
...and Tegoshi's feelings about the Lionel Messi encounter would probably be the exact same feelings when I finally encounter Yuya Tegoshi in person. (Plus an anticipated faint/collapse/falls-to-the-ground-unconscious scene I'm seriously practicing to avoid LOLOLOLOL)

These photos come from various sources, from ItteQ's short feature about it, to various news clippings, etc. The screenshots are grabbed from Tegoshi Yuya Fangirls page and from Aria Hajime on FB.




My thoughts about it? Not easy to describe! I did get teary-eyed when I first saw the Vine from ItteQ. That's holy Messi, the best player in the world (SORRY CR7. SORRY) for soccer-lovers' sake. I'm fortunate to see my two fandoms merging (I was a FC Barça fan for quite a time; still I am but it has toned down to being 'casual'), but I didn't even recall the fandom-merge as the reason for my shallow tears. It's not even about my fandoms anymore! It's about Tegoshi, and his idol. The spotlight is on him shining the spotlight on Messi. Get this tangled analogy?

How Tegoshi kept his cool is something I don't count amazing. Given that he could actually control his emotions in surprising ways (like in a recent interview where he talked about one time he was feeling down while in a filming with NEWS but no one noticed), in his brief meet-and-greet with Messi he retains his professional side, and that's a move I've already expected. Of course, he's in it for his job. But smiles don't lie, Tego! Who would recognize that 'ngiting tagumpay' (see first photo); none other than the fans yow xD

KINIKILIG SIYA EH.  Just look at him, a happy blond cub beside the king lion Leo.



And this makes me think again how kitten Leya will prevent herself from fainting when she sees Neko Prince Yuya (please stop with these analogies, gurl. You make everyone's head spin like a disjointed clothespin *now you're using wrong analogies, genius. Clothespin is 'clothes pin' and it obviously does not spin--but pin! Mwahahaaaah tama na!*) :p

My painfully severe enjoyment of using metaphors is like the heaven moving away from the earth. :'( Alright then, let's just end this entry with a happy blond cub Tego once again.

addictdesu: (tegoshi heart)

The Tegoshi.
The
TE----goshi. ↓


IT'S HIS BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wait, what should I say to get past this late-post-even-if-you-have-the-whole-month-of-November-celebrating awkwardness? *oh shaddap it's already Nov 12 no excuses you're late*

Let's see; I did a Tumblr post yesterday. Unlike most of my well-thought (or so I thought) birthday tributes, this one was probably my most candid Tego message... and so far the longest of my stupid ones too. I don't really show sweetness to my bias, BELIEVE ME. EITHER I'M A TSUNDERE, OR A CRITIC. I MAKE TEGOSHI APPRECIATION POSTS, YES; BUT THAT'S MOSTLY A PART OF MARKETING MY BIAS TO EVERYONE AND NOT OUT OF MY DELICATE HEART AND MUSHY FEELINGS EWWWWW

Here it is! (source)













(A very poor edit since my fingers were trembling from the latte I just drank. caffeine intolerance?
Ah well...)

Happy 28th birthday Tegoshi Yuya! TL;DR this is more of a ramble than a greeting :p

I spent the midnight tearing up a little because my plans for your birthday was thwarted by RL chores and whatnot. During the ‘planning’ stage, I had at least three ideas; a theme for a write-up, a collection of quotes, and a photobook style post (because you said many times that you want a solo photobook). I asked friends if they’ll be available on the date; made a budget for buying cake. Thought of dyeing my hair pink for the occasion. Nah, It’s a normal fan behavior I guess, but to me it’s been my yearly tradition to make tribute/s for Tegoshi’s birthday AND IT NEVER FALTERED!!! So when I was obliged to RL I was swept away. Still feeling glum until now (palpitation I hate you), I made this halfhearted edit, but I want to make up for this with a message. Or a ramble. A childish love letter and all.

The time I became a fangirl I started consistently writing journals. From my scream when I first saw his face on the screen, to my anguish when NEWS lost RyoPi, to my redemption when the group came back as four, much of my feels were recorded. It was--in a very cliche tone “an emotional roller coaster” and a test of strength and faith, and a notebook of commentary, jokes, creativity, and wide-eyed appreciation for the fandom. The most prominent parts, of course, are the Tegoshi-biased moments. Beyond what’s written there are tooooooons of them. Tegoshittin’ like 100x a day. It’s a funny thing (whenever I become nostalgic I laugh more than cry for all the silliness), being a dedicated fangirl. How the feelings got bigger like a couple overcoming the seven-year itch LOOOOL, is even funnier. “How are you taking that guy seriously?” I wrote why it’s hard to be a Tegoshi fan last year. (and have started writing part two!). The point is, Tegoshi is indeed an idol. I realize that every day. It’s becoming obvious everyday. He’s becoming just a common celebrity everyday. His face is becoming a meh sight. The fanservice, very expected. But these things that make Tegoshi ordinary, he’s great at these. He’s great at being handsome, he’s great at saying sickly-sweet remarks, great at doing his idol job, great at making himself great.

And this is because of his innate, inborn strength. Determination. Competitiveness. He’s actually grounded, you see. Grounded of these values which steer him whatever direction he chooses to go. Or goals he wants to achieve. Gosh, every Tego fan probably have said it--Tegoshi is an epitome of strength. It shows from his physique to his personality to his accomplishments to his words and into our hearts huhuhu ;_; Okay I’m crying now, gotta post this birthday post because I hafta do RL stuff again. I’ll stand up from this chair thinking how Tegoshi is beautiful and has inspired me in a lot of ways and how I want to make a lot of birthday posts but the fact that I have limited time and uuuugh okay bye! This is such a mess. Happy birthday Tegoshi, and I wish the best of the best for the best of the best. ♥

Logging out. (Pardon the grammar mistakes I’m not beta-ing this)


*********************

I was quite surprised it didn't have many mistakes and I think I've fairly made the message across. ^-^
Btw I was really crying when I typed the last sentences. 25% because of the mushy feelings It's very relieving that in spite of the midnight frustrations and afternoon palpitations I finished a thing! Tradition is hard to break; in this case, Tegoshi's birthday is the one date I've turned into a tradition. Crazy as it sounds, it is the day where I often transform into my ideal self. What have you done, Tego? Do you really have the magic?

There are many fan accounts/stories saying that their bias/es saved their lives. And some further claiming it's how a fan-idol relationships are supposed to be. Uh no.
For me, Tegoshi isn't a life-saver. I do not credit him for the air that I breathe or the force that stops me from killing myself. He's simply a person I extemely like, my good (and bad) role model, my image of perfection, and the stronghold against my imperfections.

He helps me live, that I could say. He makes me alive, to be accurate. He also makes me want to help lives. He's my metaphorical teacher and my case studies at the same time. I'm a dreamer and he's my dream. He's a doer and
I want him to do me (skip that! that's rated NC-17, keep away!!! ughh)

In short Tegoshi's this person I love so much that I can't afford to miss the tradition. I'm repeating myself too much, heh. Happy birthday, rainbow poop! ♥

Look at this wonderful piece of personality profile from Scorpio Quotes:




It's nailed to the ground, man! My groundbreaking man! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
*TEKA KINIKILIG AKO*
I shall finish this entry now. It's dinner time and I'm hungry! No Tego at the table because it's Nov 12 you're late you're late you're late :p

BYE~


P.S. I'm listening to 四銃士 on repeat and I want to get my thoughts over the song. (sign of a new review? I hope so!)

addictdesu: (tegoshi heart)
Belated happy birthday Koyama Keiichiro! As usual, late greetings (⊇Λ⊆) I also didn't post anything on Tumblr this time (I haven't had posts since... Feb?  (IMISSTUMBLRSOMUCH). I made a quick status on Facebook but it wasn't proper to be even considered a birthday post.

But I won something in regards to his birthday! In [livejournal.com profile] sg_paanas Koyama-themed giveaway, I unexpectedly scored the prize. Unexpected because I was doubting then if I should join the giveaway knowing the contest is Koyama-centered; I thought I might affect Koyapaanas IN CASE i win. But nothing hurts in trying. And nothing hurts in winning! Haha, you should know. You're a Tegoshi fan :p Unexpectedly, again, it wasn't really Tegoshi who inspired my entry in the contest. It was definitely the birthday boy himself, Koyama Keiichiro.

Koyama must have a happy, eventful life, especially nowadays. His anticipated concert-on-his-birthdate finally came true. He won the hearts of fans all over again in his recent 10,000-character interview. NEWS is on the roll this 2015, and his baby niece is indeed a great blessing. I'm so happy for riida who said "I'm enveloped in a feeling of happiness so amazing I couldn't even describe..." And just like this post, which, in the next paragraphs will be about the joys of my fandom and RL state, might be overwhelming to read, hence I'm prepping to make it coherent. Good luck 'bout that. LOL xD


Living life with the #TegoshiMentality )

I'll end this post with my latest cover photo in FB. An edited biased screencap from one of Tegomass no Seishun DVD promotions! Who isn't exciteeeed, we'll finally watch them again after three years. To be honest I have very high expectations from this con because their 3rd tour, Tegomass no Mahou is my undisputed fave NEWS/Tegomass concert. I think you already know that, oh well. I don't expect TMnS to excede TMnM but at least I want to get a similar feeling from both of these cons.



Tsuki no Tomodachi, be my friend too~ *(◆∨◆)*
addictdesu: (tegoshi wacky)
I have a lot to blog for the first quarter of 2015, that the yearender special I decided to set aside. But 2014 was my happiest year in 5 years despite NEWS' inactivity (again), and here are the sentiments I need to let out! (let 'em go, let 'em go, can't hold 'em back anymore~)

Just a fair warning: most of my 2014 happiness came from ze personal life so this might be more of a real-life post than a fandom one.
You can skip the first part and read the second cut (fandom-centered) instead :)

2014 was the year I discovered my true self, my insecurities, and my capabilities. Studying astrology since 2013, I somehow stopped in the first few months of 2014 and eventually I was back on track again. I realized my life as controlled by the 'stars', so I started to try navigating it, with the help of newfound philosophies and some old, tried, and tested beliefs. Where did I get those things?

The power of inspiration. 4 years in the fandom, I really waited for this year to come. Four is a beloved number--you know why--and passing this mark made me feel secure in my place in the fandom world. T'was the year where I felt the most comfortable in making the fandom a part of my lifestyle, morphing into a 'senpai' fan. I don't consider myself a newbie anymore ('coz I still did, in 2013).
If you could call this something as great as divine providence. Or caused by the philosophical depth I've gained. I’ve never stuck to something for more than four years, so having gone through the fourth year in the fandom I knew it was my first ultimate step to--well, forever. I hope so.

Read more.... )

--

Now that I've mentioned my bias it's time for the second half of the post which talks of fandom happenings, even though NEWS itself lacked news in 2014. These are arranged randomly, and some parts would still relate greatly to my personal interests and/or stories. I might be missing out on some things; feel free to comment.

NEWS: Tegomass no Seishun (TMnS) album, TMnS tour, NEWS10th DVD, ONE -for the win-, SEVEN COLORS PV, 4X9.

^ So it looks like a wordy sentence but in reality it isn't. One single. No album and concert tour. A TV show? Yes, a one-episode-and-sadly-it-will-never-happen-again TV show. A DVD. Of a 2013 concert that was expected to be released on that year too. And aaand Tegomass finally did something! They should, after 2 years of letting NEWS adjust their 4-nin stat first. NEWS celebrated their 11 years in 2014, but it felt like their pre-debut year was even more eventful. (I'M EXAGGERATING THO :p)


SEVEN COLORS PV

Read more... )


There are tons of things worth including in this yearender post. The simple details, such as seeing a shooting star twice; the meet-ups with Ria whom I feel very comfortable talking to about any topic (from Tegoshi to Politics to the problems in my family); the times of restlessness caused by a fanfic; the first time I posted a multi-chap. Our calamansi tree finally bore fruit! Our cactus died! I learned how to cook purple yam! And I injured my foot while playing "futsal"--using a snail shell as the ball.

I hope I conveyed it well: why I love 2014. My aim is to make 2015 even better, because having equipped with the experience and wisdom I've gained I think I can now focus on moving forward~


****EXTRA: Memo-memories! (MY) 2014 AWARDS****

hashtag of the year: #てずてってとって‎NEWS
ItteQ scene of the year: snake massage
oops! moment of the year: Tegoshi admitting he's a bi? Erase-erase; it was all a misunderstanding he said
treasure of the year: The NEWS album I won from [livejournal.com profile] sg_paanas giveaway
meet-up of the year: kulitan with MassuDhes
number of places I've been to the first time: 10+
destination of the year: Navotas? Because I got lost big time!
LSS of the year: ETERNAL MIND (Kis-My-Ft2)
non-fandom LSS of the year: Let It Go (Idina Menzel/Matsu Takako)
personality of the year: Heo Youngji
member-ai of the year: THIS QUESTION IS THE HARDEST. I LOVE ALL THE MEMBER AI. But I'm gonna choose an underrated--the subtle Koyashige moment in 1FTW making
Tegoshi hairstyle of the year: the edible pink hair
OTP of the year: Tegoleya as always. Tego x sheep. Don't question my love for Tegosheep.

color of the year: orange
indulgence of the year: chocolate
jamming of the year: bonding and adventures with kuya Christian and Stephen
longest sleep: 10 hours only?
number of Tumblr followers: 595
fave/luckiest months: January, March, July, August, December
addictdesu: (tegoshi wacky)
YOU WANT FEELS, JOURNAL? I'LL GIVE YOU FEELS!
**I WILL WRITE A LOOOONG ENTRY OF THOUGHTS, RANTS AND FEELS AFTER WATCHING ITTEQ NEXT WEEK**



Me after realizing a dream come true and a dream crushed ><
addictdesu: (tegoshi heart)
tm2
tm
(photo via addictdesu)
The title of the post is alarming, at least for me... Because it has many connotations, one of which is a literal goodbye--good bye from this haunting fandom life.

Ah no, I'm not saying I'm leaving the fandom. No one, even myself, can really tell when. I'm just preparing for that time. I'm just leaving a memory just in case I wake up one day completely forgetting all the joys of being a fangirl. Think of it this way: even healthy people prepare for their death. :) That's what I'm doing. Even a devoted fan is preparing for the day she leaves fandom, if that ever happens. (but I hope not! For in all honesty I want to stay with NEWS forever.)

--

AN EARLY GOODBYE

To my fandoms, thank you. While it's true that I depend my life on you, you gave me strength to stand on my own in more ways than you could imagine.

To my fandom friends, meeting you is a miracle. I'm sorry if it seems I'm taking that miracle for granted, but swear I don't. I may left fandom but the memories with you remain here (in my heart).

To the blogs, accounts, and things that made my fangirling high, how could I ever repay you? You taught me so many things. How to edit a photo, how to write a fanfic, how to spill my thoughts. This post isn't even possible without your help.

To fate, I am eternally grateful. You gave me an irreplaceable happy life. I'm stupid for replacing it. But shit happens, right?

To you... Hello. I'm glad I loved you. ^_^

--

Wow, senti mo teh?! Just blurting out my feelings, gomen.
Disregard this post. I'm a fangirl, still a fangirl, and has no plans of quitting. Because I'm glad I have loved you. *points at you!* LOL~
P.S. the Tegomass pics have nothing to do with the post but I thought they were senti so I included 'em. XD Hearts for Tegomass and dogs!!! ♥ ♥ ♥

addictdesu: (KARA 2)
Thankfully, KARA is only my second fandom. I don't mean to love them less, I just don't love them more than my first one.

And that is why, thankfully, it doesn't hurt so much. Unfortunately, it worries me more. I think my love for them is challenged.

I don't have a bias in KARA. Advantage: I love the five equally. Disadvantage: I can't take it when my OT5 breaks. Which is happening.



So why with this post?
Today is January 16. Today, Nicole's officially out of the group.


I've prepared for this day. But still it pained. And what's more, Jiyoung finally came up with her decision... Guess what it is?

It is... To leave too.


I'm not blaming anyone. Or maybe I am? I blame destiny for me meeting KARA too late.
If I have loved them ever since, I know the cut will be deep. But maybe it is better than meeting them late and loving them late; because now it's too late. I've met and loved them them during their darkest era. Was there a happy memory? Of course there was. But the happiest memories were then, when I still wasn't into them. In short I have missed 5 or 6 years of my life.


I love KARA. But now I don't know where to hold on to. I am a Kamilia, but now I'm not even sure of that.



Again, thankfully, they're just my second fandom. Otherwise I'm now throwing things outside the window.
addictdesu: (KARA)
kara_byebye_main
(crossposted on tumblr)

I don’t know what to say in this post. KARA is actually the only KPop group that I follow, even though I can’t say I’m a hardcore Kamilia I’ve always loved this group and its fanbase and I always brag about how strong these girls are.

In the midst of these issues, I kept my mouth shut, for I thought I wasn’t in the position to react at these things (as I followed KARA quite silently.) But today, as the confirmation of Nicole leaving the group soon and Jiyoung’s to-be-confirmed decision of leaving, I want to speak out and say,

WHY DOES IT HAVE TO HAPPEN? Why did it come to this? I know Nicole’s dispute with DSP before. I know Jiyoung is not even in her twenties and has other things yet to pursue, but… I learned to live with KARA5, sing with KARA5, dance with KARA5, and believe in KARA5. Things were inevitable back then but KARA5 showed me (and all of Kamilias) that miracles were real. I remembered reading a post “why KARA is called the Miracle Group”, and from that day on I’ve etched in my heart that KARA5 is here forever. Well, i’m exaggerating on the “forever” part, but you get the point. KARA—Gyuri, Seungyeon, Hara, Nicole, Jiyoung—is the KARA that popularized Rock U, Wanna, MR., Jumping, Lupin, STEP, Pandora, Damaged Lady and more—and is also the KARA that gets a big f*ckin success in Japan (I approve of this because I’m a JPop fangirl), the KARA that stays humble and lovable despite the fame that they get, the pretty pretty girls who could go from sweet to sexy to nice and naughty, the epitome of goodness and strength combined… I could go on forever ranting about how KARA is one hella group of perfection and how KARA is one of those few KPop groups who has a very tight connection with their fans.

But now. Nicole’s leaving. And Jiyoung’s on the verge of it. Suprisingly, I DO NOT HATE. Even DSP I couldn’t curse. Because I am thankful to DSP that they gave this group to us, though I’m also lamenting why this management is a crap. If only DSP did better.

DSP issue aside, we really don’t know the real reason/s for what’s happening. Who knows, DSP was merely not the cause. Maybe Nicole wanted to quit for real? And Jiyoung sees life outside could be better. I don’t know… But as I said, I don’t hate. Whatever happens Nicole and Jiyoung are precious parts of KARA.

I still see KARA as the miracle group, that wouldn’t change. Right now I’m just hoping for the best, wishing for the best, praying for the best. Though for me, the best would have been Nicole and Jiyoung to stay. KARA5 is KARA, can we just stay like this?

As for the question “will KARA disband?” They’ll not. DSP says KARA would still continue its activities, rest assured. And the speculations about going in hiatus or adding members (they’ve been through these before), Oh I don’t know what to feel. I just know it’s purely heartbreaking.

I’ll end this post now. I’m on the verge of crying. T^T

P.S. Kamilia, let’s be strong for KARA. As we watched the fandom bloom, cheered on happy memories and held hands through tight instances, let’s be the same now. Even better. Let’s be Kamilia for KARA’s sake.
addictdesu: (tegoshi black)

Today, I would like to express my innermost feelings as a fangirl. (but I’m not quite sure if it’s the innermost; I may never express it through writing alone.)

If being exaggerated is a trend, thank you NEWS.

Thank you for making the fans live again–by killing us bit by bit. The countdown (the epic countdown that made the Johnny’s net crash), NEWS BEST album (the historical album of your greatest hits that we’ll forever treasure), Chankapaana single (the awesome song which celebrates the new NEWS), and Utsukushii koi ni suru yo concert tour (the majestic concert that made/is making the whole fandom damn emotional). What else? All these and more that’ll come, NEWS, you are killing us. Expect us to die… Die of happiness.

Again, I repeat: if being exaggerated is a trend, then I’m proud (exaggeratedly) to be killed by NEWS.

*****************************************

If being exaggerated is NOT a trend, I would still be proud of my (exaggerated) self.I am a NEWS fan. NEWSfans are such exaggerated creatures (creatures, because we’re not just people… We’re monsters and superheroes and drug lords and stars too). Others can never judge us; all the world knows what NEWS had been through. We cannot just be plain fans! We are exaggerated fan-creatures with BIG love, BIG support, BIG buckets (for our bucketful tears), and BIG whatsoever (insert-word-here-I-can’t-think-of-any-other) for our beloved group Four Directions NEWS. We are not just plain fans, we just cannot. If you’re not a NEWSfan but has stumbled upon this post, read NEWS’ history first or ask me (or any other NEWSfans) and we’ll tell you a lot–the Never Ending Wonderful Story that almost came to an end… Not just once, mind you. NOT JUST ONCE.

Anyway, what happened two days ago inspired me to write a letter (a love letter) to NEWS. I accidentally deleted it yesterday; couldn’t retrieve even a single word. I forgot almost all my thoughts, and I’m too lazy to recall those thoughts again. But after 2 days my heart and mind still haven’t calmed down; obviously, I’m writing again.

Dear NEWS,

Your tears spilling over,

my heart breaks.

But I’m happy to be one of those who made you cry,

for you are what makes me cry too.

In short, we are crying for each other, to each other…

And we don’t even know each other!

But that’s not the case.

Because you love me and I love you forever.
----

You’ve been here for almost 9 years

minus two because of… uhm… yeah,

Thank you for not giving up on me!

Thank you for realizing that I’m still here, running to you, giving you a tight hug while saying “Okaeri!”

To be honest, I almost gave up too.

But I didn’t. I hoped. Your sweet “Tadaima!” is what I looked forward to.
----

So thank goodness you’re home now,

you brought a lot of priceless treats.

Too many, I actually don’t know where to put all these.

But oh! My heart has a big space (you are the reason for that)

filled with things I’ll never erase

Right now I’m filling it again with your gifts,

the most precious N-E-W-S.
----

Honey, you’re so much stronger now, aren’t you?

You came back lovelier.

Do you know that your comeback is very, very memorable?

Really, I couldn’t get over.

Standing still, watching your tears, I want to shout a promise.

“Never again you’ll shed tears of pain;

whenever you and me cry, it’s now because of happiness.”
----

Happiness. Like what I feel today.

Thank you for giving me such wonderful feeling!

In return I’ll give you my most genuine smiles,

so come on, let’s make this beautiful love grow in full swing.
----

I LOVE YOU, DEAR NEWS.

My love for you is incomparable.

Speaking of, you are like that ne? INCOMPARABLE.

…And we will be like this ne? INSEPARABLE.

約束するよ。

永遠に。

–With so much love in my heart, チャンカパーナ

*****************************************

*feels*

*emotions*

Before I move on, I just wanna say that this is entirely different from what I wrote (and deleted ><) yesterday. And if you noticed, the letter above is in the form of a poem. But I don’t want to treat this a poem because a poem is something dramatic yet restricted; while a letter is simple yet sincere. I don’t want to be a drama queen (but seems like I am now LOL), so please regard this as just a simple love letter to NEWS.

Moving on… If being exaggerated is a trend, then count me in.

Can I ask you NEWSfans: Starting from 2 days ago, how many times did you cry? How many times did you flail, jumped, sang along, repeatedly reading and taking in updates, staring at the low quality pictures, watching low quality fancams, yet shouting and yelling like it’s the world end, and endlessly talking about how you feel? A fan is a fan… Much more a NEWSfan. If Tegoshi (and NEWS) believe that they can’t lose to any group when it comes to cherishing us fans, then I believe (and I’m sure you do) believe that NEWS fandom is the most emotional, humble, and strongest fandom… In all the world. (OMG I LOVE THE IRONIES. NEWS and NEWSfans are just… ♥)

Sounds exaggerated! Oh, If being exaggerated is not a trend, I don’t mind. I am a NEWS fan.

美しい恋にするね

美しい恋にするよ

美しい恋にするから

addictdesu: (tegoshi black)
AOI

Finally had the courage to read the translation of Tegoshi's song 'Addict', and gaaawd why am I close to crying? Underneath its upbeat melody and sexy lyrics, it's a sad song... T____T

Seeing this picture of Tegoshi smiling, time for another edit I guess.

Profile

addictdesu: (Default)
Leya

June 2017

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