The seventh year hitch

Just when I thought I'm past the habit of making anniversary posts because I've ran out of ideas to write, and tbh my yearly contents were all the same, my 7th year in the fandom is the obvious oddity. Even last year's start of fangirling over Panic! At The Disco pales to how shook my emotions are this year. (And did you know that Western Pop music completely took me back into its arms? *gasp! and more gasps ala Selena Gomez*)

But this blog is mainly dedicated to NEWS, and at most times, when I say "fandom" I automatically mean NEWS. I also know you came to this post for NEWS so yes I'll give you NEWS. Leave the cake at my door. :p

However, inadvertent it always is (no, don't believe that--I've always done it on purpose), this blog post will focus on Tegoshi. Not only because he's my bias. If my last LJ entry talked about Koyama not onlybecause it was his birthday but for the troubles he was facing that time, it's unfortunately the same with Tego. Only it can be considered worse. Great man meets great fallback. World eats boy. (At this point I'm talking not in a Fan sense, though the next paragraphs are guaranteed to be more fangirl-sounding... and emotional. I guess I'm still warming up xD)

First things first. I can't believe I have spent 7 years in the fandom. That's 1/3 of my life on Earth! I never forgot the day I fell for subgroup Tegomass for their music, and how the curiosity for the main group NEWS turned into something big, that less than a year afterwards, nobody could calm me down as I cried over Tegoshi Yuya for no reason other than I was just  a fan.

It's not that hard to accept things. I can proudly say that I'm an obsessive-but-not-possessive fangirl. While I can provide a blueprint of "how to snatch Tegoshi and lock him up in my house" (jk. jk. jooooke), I won't do that, because what will happen to my gazillion Tego OTPs? I believe that the more, the merrier, so it warms my heart seeing Tegoshi gain wider fame and more fans. He got out of the shadows--that's the secret reason I got over RyoPi withdrawal that fast. EviL LaUgH harharharharhar

In spite of my extremely Tegoshi-centric fangirling during the first years, I couldn't envisage him in a successful future without the rest of the group. NEWS worked as a team and they became STRONG AF, INSEPARABLE AF, LOVABLE AF; showed they are ARTISTIC/MUSICAL AF, and most importantly: HOT AF!! (lol this makes me sound perv af) For the hundreds of thousands of fans, NEWS was/is why we love NEWS. I get more offended when NEWS is being targeted than when it's Tegoshi alone. The group is my treasure, I've expressed a lot of positivity about them. It's all genuine. Side by side, my admiration for NEWS grew big and my attachment to Tegoshi grew deep, vice versa.

I wanted this entry to be thoughtfully detailed by making it a Fandom History post (a.k.a. my fangirl journey 2010-present! I started to write regular journals coinciding with the time I started to be a NEWS fan so yes I can chart my fangirl timeline) but that wasn't what I originally meant when I said I'll post my anniversary post early; besides, my different accounts dedicated to this crazy roller coaster of emotions lifestyle have spoken way louder than any single illustrative post. Secret # 2: I've had many NEWS-related accounts/blogs and some of them gained prominence in the fandom without revealing I am behind those ;) What are these accounts? Secret~

Anyway, added to the fact that NEWS fandom is collectively peaceful, because NEWS love surprising us fans, the excitement was always there and it was nearly impossible that the feelings will die out. This place has become such a huge part of my life--more than the longevity, although I consider it too because rarely I get attached to something--it's the heart and mind investment that counts. The dedication. The passion. Here's one more secret: I silently judged those who left the fandom. I was really devoted to NEWS that I didn't understand why the other 'devotees' could just leave like that, especially in the recent years, when the group is at its peak in activity. Why abandon when everything finally feels right? The more the merrier was my philosophy when it comes to this, so when anybody stopped being a fan, I took it to heart.

2016 suddenly became a turning point. Maybe because I was subconsciously stressed about entering adulthood, or maybe it was P!ATD bursting the bubble that's been long enclosed in NEWS, or maybe it was caused by my forming doubts on Tegoshi's attitude and behavior (more on the next paragraphs) that I fathomed the feeling of decreasing enthusiasm. I realized that the level of love could stay the same, but you can love that thing andnot be overly passionate about it. Furthermore, my disappointment over leaving fans was gone, and I learned that many of those who left didn't actually stopped loving NEWS; they just stopped at acting like fans and doing fan things.

To comprehend these... It felt liberating, yet it bothered me somehow. I was still very attached to Tegoshi and the fandom, and the dwindling of passion was conficting with the strong feelings I still have inside.

( still a long post ahead! )

Things are getting back to normal. 2017 is generally delightful for NEWS, with NEVERLAND album being their most musically daring album yet, the 3-month concert tour comes to an emotional finish. Koyama is again chosen for 24hrTV. There are new J-web corners. SCP's doing great; they've got more time for group bonds, and a simultaneous boom in indivudual/duo shows and projects. The members' relationship are stronger than ever (generic statement but very true, they're stronger than ever). Fandom's turning 15 next year! Once a dream, now the norm, NEWS is heading to an amazing direction. If Koyama and Tegoshi's rumors have one positive implication, it is the fact that NEWS is now worthy to be publicized with that kind of attention. While not exactly pleasant, it's an indicator that NEWS has definitely piqued the consciousness of virtually anyone in Japan.

And there goes my ichiban. All I've really wanted for him is to be a good person. It is a blanket term because 'good' can mean a lot of things. Obviously, I don't expect him to become an altruist or give up his current lifestyle. I don't want him to tone down. I just hope he'd be more mindful, with the personal potential he's got, and the kind of focus he utilizes to achieve things... He could be a reckless idol yet a responsible person at the same time. How about inspiring? He already is. Just his presence can make his fans dream big, think big. You've heard him speak seriously, it's almost enlightening. Everyone could muse about his face, his voice, his physical/mental/emotional strength and abilities. The catch is, inspiration can't be seen, so only us who stand by him can understand how clear an inspiration Tegoshi radiates.

It's theoretically hard to have intense feelings for someone who doesn't even know you, but if that intensity has found its way to your system, it turns into faith. I'm proud that I support Tegoshi, in a myriad of ways and in the brightest and darkest of days, such as this. I want to say it's Love but the term is always debatable in celebrity-fan situations... However, even some people in actual relationships don't think about their partners in depth and isn't concerned much with the character, the potential, the good and the bad, and how things could be in the long run. Maybe I am just the overthinker kind, but with all that's embraced is it still wrong to say that I love Tegoshi? I believe that these seven years are love, regardless of distance, regardless of not knowing everything. In spite of my often exaggerations and misjudgements. The faith is there. I love Tegoshi Yuya and I love NEWS. I may not be as enthusiastic as before but this love has become a constant thing--it never ends.

One last secret: When I saw the photos and reports of Tegoshi crying at the con, I cried for him at least twice a day for five days straight. "Apathetic", huh :p Not really relevant to everyone but to this post! xD Happy 7th anniversary to me :)