Promise me a place

Decided to make this post because all the memories of October 7, 2011 came flooding back when I learned the news about Nicole leaving KARA and Jiyoung still contemplating whether to leave or not.

The memories were relieved and haunted me again... At first it was a bad thing; recalling every detail made me cry hard (and even contributed to my fever last Saturday ><), but Sunday night came and as with the details clearer than ever, those details made me reflect on the deeper impact of the news, its overall impact in the fandom and in my life as a fangirl.



Before October 7, 2011

Ignorance

I had no idea. I had no idea about the initial rumors of Yamapi leaving, no idea about Yamapi's promise to fans. I also had very little idea about Yamapi or Ryo's feelings toward NEWS, and finally, I had scarce idea about NEWS' relationship as a whole.

All I knew was they weren't releasing something, and all I did was wait.

Why? That time, I was a blind fan. I knew nothing but the songs, the PVs, the concerts and the guestings; the members, their personalities, their appearances. I didn't care much about NEWS' relationship with each other, all I cared for was "NEWS looks perfect". Yes they looked perfect, but were they perfect? I didn't notice the awkwardness among the members. I didn't notice that there were times Ryo or Pi was nowhere to be found because they had other commitments--I didn't notice all of that--except for Soukon, of course, it was quite obvious that the Soukon team had no RyoPi in it. But I didn't care. Because I was a blind fan.

So during the months that they were inactive, I was just waiting. Patiently waiting.


During October 7, 2011

Devastation

A pretty normal day. In the afternoon, I quit one of my text clans because I wanted to take a break from texting. Along with me another member quit too, and we were laughing at that instance. When evening came, I randomly watched Pacific concert. I noticed I was giving unusual compliments on Pi, 'unusual' because I never talked about Pi this way:

"Pi has a wonderful smile! He smiles like this when he's with NEWS, I can see that he's really happy in the group."

After a couple of hours I received a text from kyaaaAri (Ariel) delivering the news about RyoPi's withdrawal.

"kyaaaAkuma... umalis na ang RyoPi sa NEWS."

It was all so sudden. I did not believe her at first, but after exchanging a few more texts I learned that she was serious (and that was when I also learned that Yamapi had a promise to fans), I started crying. I can't describe how much tears I've shed that night. I cried for hours, my family were already asleep so I went to the balcony of our house and continued crying there. Muttering things, flipping chairs and tables, shouting and cursing (I didn't use swear words tho), looking at the cloudy sky, praying, humming, singing... All my anger for RyoPi, all my worries for the remaining four.

This is what I wrote in my diary:

18. Your favorite macro.

(macro credits to these two tumblogs: starberry-cupcake and newscaps)

11.Rank them from 1 to 6/4 (1 being the best) when it comes to singing.

1. Ai no Matador (愛のマタドール)
2. Sayaendou (サヤエンドウ) 
3. TEPPEN 
4. Change the World 
5. Kimi Omou Yoru (君思う夜)
6. Alibi (アリバイ)
7. Code (Ryo Nishikido solo)
8. Chirarizumu (チラリズム)
9. Ai Nante (愛なんて)
10. Nantoka Narusa (なんとかなるさ)
11. Gomen Ne Juliet (ゴメンネ ジュリエット)
12. Hadashi no Cinderella Boy (裸足のシンデレラボーイ)
13. Hoshi o Mezashite (星をめざして)
14. Mafuyu no Nagareboshi (真冬のナガレボシ)
15. Sono Egao Boku ni Misete (その笑顔 僕に見せて)

1. How were you introduced to NEWS?

Warning: this is just the first question, but it's full of Tegoshi already. It only shows that I am biased since the beginning. :p

Year 2009. I was a Japan hater (I don't bash Japan, I just don't like the country). But by some sort of an accident I watched NEWS Winter Party Diamond concert on nielle08 (my classmate)'s laptop and I instantly had a crush on a member named Yuya at first sight--I was driven crazy by his solo peformance of Ai no Matador! Though I liked him very much, I did not bother to research. That is why after a few weeks I completely forgot him, and how awesome he is. :(

Year 2010. Another classmate/roommate introduced me to Tegomass and she made me watch Tegomass no Uta concert. Masuda seemed familiar, but Tegoshi seemed not. (I remembered Massu maybe because his hairstyle in Diamond and TMnoUta hardly changed; while Tego is, ugh, ever-changing.) My roommate is a Massu fan so she bacame the Massu, I became the Tegoshi. I have no objections on becoming the Tegoshi though; I like them both, either is fine! That is when I started researching about the duo, and bit by bit it came to me that Tegoshi of Tegomasu is Yuya of NEWS.

*insert big gasp here*

Learning that fact, I instantly thought that I am destined to be a fangirl. I mean, 2009 it was NEWS; 2010 it was Tegomass, Oh god I seriously don't have a friggin' care about Japan but this Tegoshi Yuya is dragging me to fangirlism!!! So, you guess. A couple of weeks after me and 'my Massu' watched TM no Uta, we watched Diamond (technically it was my second time). I also memorized the other four faces and voices: Yamapi, Ryo, Koyama, Shige. Inevitably I became not just a TM fan but a NEWS fan as well. ♥


NEWS Winter Party Diamond. The song that catched my attention, aside from Ai no Matador, was Snow Express.

Tegomass no Uta live concert. I instantly recognized Massu but I had no idea who his partner was!

And of course, this. ♥ I still get the chills every time I watch this performance. *___*