addictdesu: (NEWS)

Just when I thought I'm past the habit of making anniversary posts because I've ran out of ideas to write, and tbh my yearly contents were all the same, my 7th year in the fandom is the obvious oddity. Even last year's start of fangirling over Panic! At The Disco pales to how shook my emotions are this year. (And did you know that Western Pop music completely took me back into its arms? *gasp! and more gasps ala Selena Gomez*)

But this blog is mainly dedicated to NEWS, and at most times, when I say "fandom" I automatically mean NEWS. I also know you came to this post for NEWS so yes I'll give you NEWS. Leave the cake at my door. :p

However, inadvertent it always is (no, don't believe that--I've always done it on purpose), this blog post will focus on Tegoshi. Not only because he's my bias. If my last LJ entry talked about Koyama not onlybecause it was his birthday but for the troubles he was facing that time, it's unfortunately the same with Tego. Only it can be considered worse. Great man meets great fallback. World eats boy. (At this point I'm talking not in a Fan sense, though the next paragraphs are guaranteed to be more fangirl-sounding... and emotional. I guess I'm still warming up xD)

First things first. I can't believe I have spent 7 years in the fandom. That's 1/3 of my life on Earth! I never forgot the day I fell for subgroup Tegomass for their music, and how the curiosity for the main group NEWS turned into something big, that less than a year afterwards, nobody could calm me down as I cried over Tegoshi Yuya for no reason other than I was just  a fan.

It's not that hard to accept things. I can proudly say that I'm an obsessive-but-not-possessive fangirl. While I can provide a blueprint of "how to snatch Tegoshi and lock him up in my house" (jk. jk. jooooke), I won't do that, because what will happen to my gazillion Tego OTPs? I believe that the more, the merrier, so it warms my heart seeing Tegoshi gain wider fame and more fans. He got out of the shadows--that's the secret reason I got over RyoPi withdrawal that fast. EviL LaUgH harharharharhar

In spite of my extremely Tegoshi-centric fangirling during the first years, I couldn't envisage him in a successful future without the rest of the group. NEWS worked as a team and they became STRONG AF, INSEPARABLE AF, LOVABLE AF; showed they are ARTISTIC/MUSICAL AF, and most importantly: HOT AF!! (lol this makes me sound perv af) For the hundreds of thousands of fans, NEWS was/is why we love NEWS. I get more offended when NEWS is being targeted than when it's Tegoshi alone. The group is my treasure, I've expressed a lot of positivity about them. It's all genuine. Side by side, my admiration for NEWS grew big and my attachment to Tegoshi grew deep, vice versa.

I wanted this entry to be thoughtfully detailed by making it a Fandom History post (a.k.a. my fangirl journey 2010-present! I started to write regular journals coinciding with the time I started to be a NEWS fan so yes I can chart my fangirl timeline) but that wasn't what I originally meant when I said I'll post my anniversary post early; besides, my different accounts dedicated to this crazy roller coaster of emotions lifestyle have spoken way louder than any single illustrative post. Secret # 2: I've had many NEWS-related accounts/blogs and some of them gained prominence in the fandom without revealing I am behind those ;) What are these accounts? Secret~

Anyway, added to the fact that NEWS fandom is collectively peaceful, because NEWS love surprising us fans, the excitement was always there and it was nearly impossible that the feelings will die out. This place has become such a huge part of my life--more than the longevity, although I consider it too because rarely I get attached to something--it's the heart and mind investment that counts. The dedication. The passion. Here's one more secret: I silently judged those who left the fandom. I was really devoted to NEWS that I didn't understand why the other 'devotees' could just leave like that, especially in the recent years, when the group is at its peak in activity. Why abandon when everything finally feels right? The more the merrier was my philosophy when it comes to this, so when anybody stopped being a fan, I took it to heart.

2016 suddenly became a turning point. Maybe because I was subconsciously stressed about entering adulthood, or maybe it was P!ATD bursting the bubble that's been long enclosed in NEWS, or maybe it was caused by my forming doubts on Tegoshi's attitude and behavior (more on the next paragraphs) that I fathomed the feeling of decreasing enthusiasm. I realized that the level of love could stay the same, but you can love that thing andnot be overly passionate about it. Furthermore, my disappointment over leaving fans was gone, and I learned that many of those who left didn't actually stopped loving NEWS; they just stopped at acting like fans and doing fan things.

To comprehend these... It felt liberating, yet it bothered me somehow. I was still very attached to Tegoshi and the fandom, and the dwindling of passion was conficting with the strong feelings I still have inside.

still a long post ahead! )

Things are getting back to normal. 2017 is generally delightful for NEWS, with NEVERLAND album being their most musically daring album yet, the 3-month concert tour comes to an emotional finish. Koyama is again chosen for 24hrTV. There are new J-web corners. SCP's doing great; they've got more time for group bonds, and a simultaneous boom in indivudual/duo shows and projects. The members' relationship are stronger than ever (generic statement but very true, they're stronger than ever). Fandom's turning 15 next year! Once a dream, now the norm, NEWS is heading to an amazing direction. If Koyama and Tegoshi's rumors have one positive implication, it is the fact that NEWS is now worthy to be publicized with that kind of attention. While not exactly pleasant, it's an indicator that NEWS has definitely piqued the consciousness of virtually anyone in Japan.

And there goes my ichiban. All I've really wanted for him is to be a good person. It is a blanket term because 'good' can mean a lot of things. Obviously, I don't expect him to become an altruist or give up his current lifestyle. I don't want him to tone down. I just hope he'd be more mindful, with the personal potential he's got, and the kind of focus he utilizes to achieve things... He could be a reckless idol yet a responsible person at the same time. How about inspiring? He already is. Just his presence can make his fans dream big, think big. You've heard him speak seriously, it's almost enlightening. Everyone could muse about his face, his voice, his physical/mental/emotional strength and abilities. The catch is, inspiration can't be seen, so only us who stand by him can understand how clear an inspiration Tegoshi radiates.

It's theoretically hard to have intense feelings for someone who doesn't even know you, but if that intensity has found its way to your system, it turns into faith. I'm proud that I support Tegoshi, in a myriad of ways and in the brightest and darkest of days, such as this. I want to say it's Love but the term is always debatable in celebrity-fan situations... However, even some people in actual relationships don't think about their partners in depth and isn't concerned much with the character, the potential, the good and the bad, and how things could be in the long run. Maybe I am just the overthinker kind, but with all that's embraced is it still wrong to say that I love Tegoshi? I believe that these seven years are love, regardless of distance, regardless of not knowing everything. In spite of my often exaggerations and misjudgements. The faith is there. I love Tegoshi Yuya and I love NEWS. I may not be as enthusiastic as before but this love has become a constant thing--it never ends.

One last secret: When I saw the photos and reports of Tegoshi crying at the con, I cried for him at least twice a day for five days straight. "Apathetic", huh :p Not really relevant to everyone but to this post! xD Happy 7th anniversary to me :)

addictdesu: (beebo)

*It's my first time to post through LJ mobile which I think is a huge disadvantage because of limited controls, and I have no idea how it would appear on browsers. Pls bear if the post turns out cluttered*


Koyama is now 33 years old and three years in his 30's say not so much appearance-wise. Unlike people whose face don't age, Koyama's face gets youngeras he ages! Still, there's lot of unspoken words about this person; he's sometimes taken at face value and for the role he plays in the group: the leader. Undoubtedly true, but Koyama's more than these. He's a newscaster--he's influencial. Among NEWS, he's the one attuned to the pulse of the general public, whether he's ever made it visible or not. This tall dork know what motivates people, and he's glad to be pulled along because he also knows how to pull along, in his own way. In other words, Koyama is secretly a business tycoon. Joke.

The point is, Koyama is smarter and more noble than what he shows to fans. With him, things fall into place. Might as well check yourselves because Koyama must've made you fall under his influence... a good kind of it. *He's a good person so he'll only leave an imprint of good things ;)*

The way of the Keiichan... )

addictdesu: (tegoshi wacky)
Wake me up when it's halfway September. ♪

My tab has died. It was a great loss; although my multimedia files are carefully backed-up, most of the things I created--from my recent diary entries to my graphics, to drafts of blog posts, weren't retrieved when the gadget was formatted. Worse, it was found out to have a more serious defect, and all the cleaning made wasn't sufficient. As much as my heart wasn't ready, my wallet bore the heavier load.

In addition to this, the tab is the only personal gadget I use to surf the internet so if you see this post, I'm using something that 's not mine. I went back to the years 2011-2012, when I was a cyber shop hopper LOL and it feels harder now that I'm already not used to surfing in a public computer. But this is the only way, so... I've been doing this for the past two weeks anyway.

It's just a few hours to NEWS' 13th anniversary and of course I don't want to be sad. My Koi Wo Shiranai Kimi E review is put on hold; basically all my fandom projects, including blog posts. Aw. But I must confess that I had an almost full blackout from the NEWS fandom (for the first time in 6 years!--this signifies a lot!) for two or three months? I mean, a total blackout is impossible (if you have 70% of all your friends from the fandom world), yet it's short of that. Sort of waning feelings *gasp!*, not simply about time.

I didn't plan it actually; it was a little inevitable. Panic! came, RL was in the way, and I got too lax thinking that there are so much more active fans so I won't bother updating until I come back (OF COURSE, I WILL COME BACK. EVEN IT WAS "SORT OF WANING FEELINGS" I KNOW I STILL LOVE NEWS, AND THAT LOVE IS ETERNAL!). I made a comeback post on FB last week, a sad one telling about the situation of my tab, and a little hint in my renewed state as a fangirl that I'm not putting all of my focus on NEWS anymore. I have like, 4 more fandoms and I learned how to treat them as bona fide fandoms hahaha~ Simply put, I became a legit multifandom chick xD

But! Back to NEWS, I'm in love again. Catching up with everything: Hen Lab, 24hr TV, SCP, Koi wo Shiranai Kimi E, among other projects that prove 2016 to be NEWS' NEWSIEST YEAR *throws confetti*, that's what's gonna be the theme of my anniversary post. Lucky 13th year! #NEWS13thAnniversary ♥

The end of blurb, as my downloads are complete and I'm ready to watch. Bye!
addictdesu: (beebo)

More than a month of fangirling over Panic! At The Disco and this band effortlessly makes its mark on me as a lifetime influence, just like NEWS. It took the same quick period for NEWS to secure that spot in my life, by the way. (And look how far I've gone walking with NEWS With Panic! it might just be the same!)

There's no denying it. Panic! is now at par with NEWS: My number 1 fandom, my favorite people, my greatest inspiration, etc. And because I can't just let two "number ones" compete for my enthusiasm, time and appreciation, I've cited a big distinction between the two; yeah, I sound like a sore arbiter but it has made me at peace with my feelings ever since. (Damn were the days in late April when I was very new to Panic! and I kept weighing my passion for both bands ><)


NEWS in QUARTETTO concert tour (cr: [livejournal.com profile] inala )

NEWS is my family. The place where I belong. It's a habitat that thrives on love; I get my ample share, and I give my ample support in return. Here is where I feel the safest, yet here is also where I feel bold. Tegoshi is my ideal person. Despite this, I don't actually want to be like Tegoshi. And NEWS' personality doesn't really speak to me on a personal level. I've found more of myself in Panic!.

Key word in NEWS is familial.



(cr: Panic!'s FB page)

Panic! At The Disco is my spirit animal. It's who I am both in my weakest and in my strongest. I see myself in the metaphors of their lyric-writing, especially Ryan's. I see my ideal self in Brendon's personality, musicality, and creativity. I want to be like Brendon. The band's success and freedom are my goals. But my source of nurturing and support is NEWS. And Tegoshi remains as my ideal person.

Key word in P!ATD is personal.



But maybe you wonder HOW it's Panic! among other bands and artists. Tbh, since I became into NEWS, Western bands, whatever genre they're doing, were all the same to me. The Panic! I knew, was a musical fling back in 2008. For a fact, I didn't know who Panic! was/were, except for the attention-hogging name *!* and a couple of songs which were a little part of my huge adolescent playlist by various artists and that was the actual musical fling).

I sang along to I Write Sins Not Tragedies and even made a Tagalog parody without knowing the names of the band members and what they look like. So how did that change? How was I reintroduced to the band and became the fan that I am today? Oh, well imagine, as I'm searching Wikipedia about Neoclassical Music and I can't help but to see, oh I can't help but to see a link that says: "List of Baroque Pop Artists"...


...It's partly NEWS' fault.

April 12, 2016. I was halfway through my QUARTETTO album review (that still isn't posted is also posted today, after almost 3 months delay, and it's partly Panic!'s fault! Hahaha) when I had to check Wikipedia for Classical Music terms and references. NEWS' new style is specifically Neoclassical (lit. "New Classical") and its subgenres, best known of which is Baroque Pop. Out of curiosity, I checked the link List of Baroque Pop Artists to see if maybe there are familiar artists I'd chance there. I saw Kalafina in the list and I was honestly not surprised, though very, very pleased because the JPop trio was my jam at the time (They're still my jam!). Besides Kalafina, Panic! At The Disco was present.

Taking a break from my NEWS review I clicked on Panic!'s Wiki page, and it's not that I didn't have any choice of other artists yet I was genuinely interested why the band is under Baroque Pop. I knew them as an alternative rock band--again, I actually didn't know anything about the band prior to rediscovery but I wasn't that ignorant to not know they were alternative rock. Sure, I memorized 'I Write Sins...' stripped down to its cello intro but the other Panic! songs I remembered were so different from each other.

But the thing that intrigued me more was seeing the current line-up: a one-man band! Naturally, you'd check that sole member when there are no other options to check (ex-members are another topic). Coincidentally, it was Brendon *I wrote "Brandon" in my diary and people in the fandom said 90% will probably get his name wrong at first encounter--and I belong to that huge percentage orz* Urie's birthday that day so being a cheesy believer of fate I believed the coincidence was a sign I have to explore the band.

no title
He's approximately 7 months older than Tegoshi, and approx 8 years older than me. Wtf is with these '87-liners huhuu


Also as I was having problems regarding my feelings for Tegoshi *HAHAHAHA I NEVER TOLD YOU ABOUT IT, LIVEJOURNAL!* the urge for exploring other artists was strong (though I have been in the exploration phase since last year). I listened to MAMAMOO, AOA, and Kalafina more frequently than I listened to NEWS, and since Panic!'s confusing genre retained to me throughout that week, I finally searched the band on Youtube.


Tonight we are victorious. Feel optimistic about the little things in life yet?


Victorious was the first I thing I saw; honestly, I was disappointed because it sounded cliche--cite similarities with Taylor Swift's Bad Blood (or was it just me?)--but the music video was utterly entertaining! And Brendon's attractive af. I went to I Write Sins... for relieving those high school memories. It has been a while since I heard that song in spite of still singing it (and the parody) from time to time. :p


Panic!'s debut MV won an award. This has set the standard for all and every succeeding Panic! MVs.


I can't recall any instance of me watching the video before but when I watched it, it was so familiar. Maybe because the song was popular back then that I somehow knew what the video looked like? Either way, it gave me intense throwback feels! And I also saw Nine In The Afternoon, another song I knew and enjoyed, but have forgotten until it showed on the related videos.

At this point my interest to know Panic! grew at a fast rate. Aside from the obvious that Victorious, I Write Sins Not Tragedies, and Nine In The Afternoon are insanely different songs for a single band and that kind of variety is my ultimate dream if I become a de facto musician, I was sure I knew more songs; I just haven't recalled everything yet.

In my second try at exploring the band on Youtube I saw more recent as well as familiar songs/videos, and the incessant variety kept me excited. I was particularly awestruck by Time To Dance, it was one of the old songs I liked so baaaad. Hearing it again after years was so classic it evoked an important question--why didn't I appreciate Panic! as much as I did for Paramore?--that question is important because Paramore is my first-ever favorite artist, hence I never dared to put it in line with my fandoms and other favorites.


Caption: Idk why but I love this song so much.

Until I rediscovered Panic! and I was oddly attracted to the band strong enough that after Youtube I immediately followed fandom pages/websites too. Finally, it was during midnight of April 22, ten days after Brendon's birthday and the accidental rediscovery, that I proclaimed over a sleepless night of laughing to Panic! memes: The band is now officially added to my fandoms.

That's when something unprecendented (at least for me) happened. A couple of hours later, Panic! announced that they'll be having a concert in the Philippines this August!


Caption: This kind of news would really give one a panic *oh yeah I just made a pun involving my two faves! xD


The rest is history; I mean, it's just a little over a month since I entered the fandom but in the days and weeks I've spent many big changes already happened, as seen from how it quickly climbed the ladder from being "just another fandom" to being the number one fandom.


Discography & Line-up changes. You know you truly love something when you love every aspect of it. (cr: panicatthesocialgrathering)

And no, it's more than fandom stuff. Things have changed personally, from my way of thinking, to my habits, to my goals. I'm currently working all of these so it's not a great time to discuss personal matters, and maybe they're too personal for the blog anyway.

I still love NEWS truly, deeply... but Panic! At The Disco redefined me. As I said, Panic! is my spirit animal. For the band's fans, it feels uncomfortable when the exclamation point in the name is missing. For me, it's my turning point in that exclamation point.

addictdesu: (tegoshi target)
We've seen a lot 'stages of fangirling' memes, charts, and posts on the internet. Me, who always attempts (and enjoys!) turning existing ideas into my own version, never did one, because this is one aspect of fangirling I'm not very certain about. It's like evolution--you will never know what's next except if you're the next. In general we are better in exploring backwards that's why it's easier to be a historian than an inventor.

Fangirling has its Jurassic Period, Ice Age, Dawn of Man, Dark Ages, Contemporary, blah blah blah counterparts.


And I love history. I may never have made a ‘stages of fangirling’ post, but I always love to backtrack. NEWS did the Myojo 10,000-character interview twice; the first was in 2011, the latter was last year. Chankapaana means "my beloved" and it's our name since 2012. I remember one day in March five years ago when I first cried hard because of Tegoshi (for you know, langit ka lupa ako reasons ><"), to the first time I pulled an all-nighter for NEWS; the first time I played a NEWS song on the piano on impromptu (improvising chord progressions lol); and definitely, the very day I became a fangirl. Good thing I had just started writing a serious diary back then. Everything was recorded and it was hilarious. I cannot believe I fell for a Japanese! Not being racist--I just didn't appreciate Japan, it was the country I had the least interest in. I even wanted to go to Africa first!

When I entered the fandom, it was a totally warm and welcoming world that I felt I was going to last. In fact, I have a long-time envy of long-time fans... there's this want to reach what they've reached. Most fans I know were ahead by 3 or 4 years while I was a newbie. During my 3rd year, which means the older fans passed the 6th and 7th year mark, the want turned into an aim. I aimed to reach the 6th, 7th years. I dunno what will happen next, or if NEWS would still exist, but that was my conscious decision: to be a long-time fan.

Working towards this aim I actually felt very natural. Even there was only a single release in 2014, that year was one of my active years. 2015 was a NEWSfest and I forgot about my internal timetable. Stages of fangirling what? Where am I? Where should I be?? Nah, everyone's enjoying the heap of activities and so do I!

NEWS appears to be unstoppable. I, meanwhile, am beating the 6th-year mark in June--three months from now. Taking a little time (thus writing this entry) to reflect, it’s meaningful and relieving, because in a way it has become a life goal and I've reached it faster and easier than I imagined. My dream of celebrating my longevity--a dream almost as intense as seeing Tegoshi in person, is just on the horizon. ♥

This sentiment will probably make the older fans, the 3 or 4 years ahead of me fans, laugh at how silly I am with this 6th year thing whereas they’re in their 9th or 10th year now! Or better yet, they can relate. I've never known a fan who isn't sentimental and counts the years of stay in the fandom like celebrating wedding anniversaries.

Maybe I'm not concerned with the stages of fangirling, because I find eras more appealing, as I've lept the stages in time, and all I could ever think now is how far could this go (I've always thought of that, apparently). Another aim: 10 years? Nah, everyone's enjoying the heap of activities and so do I! But seriously. Betting on 10 years, I'm getting unnecessarily anxious.


Whenever I'm feeling unnecessarily anxious I just think of Tegoshi's cheeks that are like dough. I don't necessarily know why too. (gif: koyamacchi)

Below is the most famous 'stages of fangirling' meme, or the most accurate among the ones I researched for the sake of this post. :> Okay, though I'm not very attentive, it doesn't mean I deny the truth that's in these memes. It happens to me and it happens to everyone else; within these long eras and years of being in a fandom these stages repeat themselves over and over again. Sigh. This is why I stayed.

addictdesu: (tegoshi target)
Given the fact that I post sporadically and my posts are mostly rambles than true discussions, am I right to call myself a blogger? Or I'm just putting on a stylized tag, feeling like a figure in the blogosphere when I am just an ordinary netizen who makes myself appear intelligent?

So you see, this is also a rant post in itself. Determined and ready to enter the blogging world again, I spent my December and January reading blogs especially from the Idol fandom, which I even filter to the types of posts that interest me--meaning to say, I only skim through a lot of blog posts and whichever catches my attention I will read till the end. Honestly that's how I make my posts too. Many posts aren't thought-out, and the decent ones, rarely completed. The finished decent ones, rare.

This has never been a big deal to me until I saw a string of really good posts from bloggers I casually follow in the height of my wanting-to-blog mood. It's probably rude to say that after years of 'blogging' I just recently realized that even this hobby needs passion more than will, and will more than time. More than a blogger being rhetoric; more than having a Shakespearean sense of humor. Blogging is, in a way, newscasting without your face needing to be seen. I could clearly see Koyama Keiichiro and Sakurai Sho's professional faces in their respective news programs. Maybe blogging is one step close to professionalism?

Or maybe not. Furthermore, this is what blog actually means:



The original purpose of a blog is personal rather than interpersonal. If we go by this meaning, even social networking sites are blogs. It's to my relief that my random ramblings whether in here or on Facebook could be typed as blogging. Most importantly, my love for using hyperlinks is a predetermining factor! When I say "insert link here", oh, I am already running a blog!

If things were that easy, every Internet user is a blogger then. But don't we see bloggers a lot different from mere netizens? For me, bloggers are the brain of the World Wide Web where everyone is a mouth that talks. And that's what I see in my favorite Idol bloggers: They give insights and bring new perspectives to the Idoldom which markets itself as complete and perfect, no more no less. Netizens always have something to talk about; bloggers always have to talk about something.

That contradicts my idea of blogging close to newscasting. Well, honestly, I thought it was not close at all. Blogging, for me, is comparable to storytelling. When I talk about my life or my fandom, it feels like I'm doing either cheesy or bizarre fiction. When I write analysis, a matter-of-factly nonfiction!

However; the point is, I made this post because I am starting to doubt whether my posts are considered blogging in an experienced blogger's sense. Whether it's seeking validation or just wanting to start anew with my blog this year, I want to know if my posts--my pride as a fangirl, belong to the kind called blogs--my main activity as a fangirl, and if I am really a blogger--the title I've given myself as a fangirl. Is it only fair, or should I drop the title? What happened in the trending mishap of Miss Universe 2015 taught us a lesson, that I could surprisingly apply to the "blogger identity crisis" I have today.

Untitled.jpg
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Who is the rightful heir to the Blogging crown?
(sources: npr / foxsports / elle)


I want to know if I'm doing it right, but the pride left in me (and a lil bit of fear) says let's not consult this to other bloggers. Instead, I would tend to my own inadequacy, starting 2016 with posts that shout I'M BACK!! even though I'm not sure if this will be regular, or just a moment's spur. Another uncertainty I won't bother finding answers... The main question is enough rattle.

Am I considered a blogger, in the first place?
addictdesu: (NEWS)
(Belated) HAPPY NEW YEAR and (always) a HAPPY NEWS YEAR!

How's everyone doing? My January, so far, is not so smooth sailing. As early as the 1st I had some complaints about my chest, soon finding out I have a cyst on my left breast. Although it's not cancerous and the pain has naturally reduced.

On the 9th it was followed by Mama who called with the news that her long-time Anemia has gone severe and that she immediately needs to have a blood transfusion because taking meds will not suffice anymore. I remember my grandpa (mom's dad) who died of Leukemia, undetected until it was too late and little was done to save his life. And who would forget Tegoshi's father who suddenly died at around this time last year. (I never made an entry about it here but it's a topic I've a lot to say, especially now that I am more vulnerable T^T). Today, I'm not actually feeling down as I write this post, but I'm definitely struggling with things.

Add with the weeks of unstable, poor internet connection. And USB problem I dunno how to fix (unless buying a new one). And earphones starting to wear down. So while I'm happy that at least I know I'd be welcomed with lots of good news from NEWS (well, I am still updated from time to time; just not active and cannot download *haven't watched JCD whether the full show or cuts, for example!*), I'm technically missing a lot.

It's not entirely a happy period for my fandoms too. Believe it or not, KARA is (possibly) disbanding. Seriously, DSP, why? They're not even an underdog group! They're popular; makes money for their flagship company; they've been at the top! One of the pillars of KPop! Tbh I haven't fully bounced back from when the group lost Nicole and Jiyoung. And I already love Youngji that I'm hurting for her if the dissolution happens. What will happen to her? To Gyuri, Hammie and Hara?

I believe that because I danced in the eve of January 1 I'll dancing the whole year round. What happens to me now is dancing through challenges, dancing through changes, and dancing the hard steps--all to make me a pro. (Wait, I'm crying~ ;o; I still use analogies and 'clever' sentences even at this time)

Anyway, this post is a spontaneous act; I just wanted to pass by and say my late new year's greetings! I also want to tell dear F-list and readers that I have rediscovered my love for blogging... Once I'm stress-free and back to normal I'll frequently post here again. :D

I'll first post my delayed posts (like Chumuchumu single review which is almost 7 months late huhuhu) and then see what to continue from there. Imma rest for now. ^^ Happy new year! ♥

#KeepGoing2016
addictdesu: (tegoshi heart)
Hello, and happy November! AND THAT MEANS... 手越 AND テゴマス's MONTH YAAAAAAAY

My last two posts were vague signals that I am still at home to LiveJournal and I still got time for fandom (even though the latest one has entirely no connection to me being a fangirl but to a rebel, schizotypal girl *LOL I hope no one took that srsly! :p*).

I even ENTIRELY forgot to post my ‪#‎NEWS12thAnniversary‬ tribute here. I'm such a fail >_< redirecting you to the Tumblr post instead xD

To top it all, I have tons of other reviews to finish, however I'm already not in the proper mindset to finish them. I still got fics to write, challenges to continue and packages to send >< I'm panicking inside, but my brain's distracted enough to be bothered, actually. Is it a bad thing then? That I don't want to get back to my stuff anymore?

But there's a reason to lighten up! I'm making tribute posts for Tegoshi's 28th birthday; so far, so good. I can't miss anything about this boy, really. I MEAN TEGOSHI MAKES ME VERY MOTIVATED, AND THO IT LOOKS LIKE I'VE SLACKENED I'M GOING UPHILL IN LIFE, IN FACT ♥

Before 2015 ends I'm making a pact with LJ. I'll post stuff, yeah~! I'll cover up the absence. I'll try my best to get back to even just the more significant drafts and finally post some here. I did get back on track in Tumblr; why can't I do the same with my journal?

I ain't static, I'm wired to my passions. I feel the flowing current between us, and no one's gonna make us stop. :)
Onto the next post! Jyaa ne~~
addictdesu: (tegoshi wacky)
I am still alive and kicking (not balls :p)
addictdesu: (tegoshi heart)
tm2
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(photo via addictdesu)
The title of the post is alarming, at least for me... Because it has many connotations, one of which is a literal goodbye--good bye from this haunting fandom life.

Ah no, I'm not saying I'm leaving the fandom. No one, even myself, can really tell when. I'm just preparing for that time. I'm just leaving a memory just in case I wake up one day completely forgetting all the joys of being a fangirl. Think of it this way: even healthy people prepare for their death. :) That's what I'm doing. Even a devoted fan is preparing for the day she leaves fandom, if that ever happens. (but I hope not! For in all honesty I want to stay with NEWS forever.)

--

AN EARLY GOODBYE

To my fandoms, thank you. While it's true that I depend my life on you, you gave me strength to stand on my own in more ways than you could imagine.

To my fandom friends, meeting you is a miracle. I'm sorry if it seems I'm taking that miracle for granted, but swear I don't. I may left fandom but the memories with you remain here (in my heart).

To the blogs, accounts, and things that made my fangirling high, how could I ever repay you? You taught me so many things. How to edit a photo, how to write a fanfic, how to spill my thoughts. This post isn't even possible without your help.

To fate, I am eternally grateful. You gave me an irreplaceable happy life. I'm stupid for replacing it. But shit happens, right?

To you... Hello. I'm glad I loved you. ^_^

--

Wow, senti mo teh?! Just blurting out my feelings, gomen.
Disregard this post. I'm a fangirl, still a fangirl, and has no plans of quitting. Because I'm glad I have loved you. *points at you!* LOL~
P.S. the Tegomass pics have nothing to do with the post but I thought they were senti so I included 'em. XD Hearts for Tegomass and dogs!!! ♥ ♥ ♥

addictdesu: (tegoshi black)

Today, I would like to express my innermost feelings as a fangirl. (but I’m not quite sure if it’s the innermost; I may never express it through writing alone.)

If being exaggerated is a trend, thank you NEWS.

Thank you for making the fans live again–by killing us bit by bit. The countdown (the epic countdown that made the Johnny’s net crash), NEWS BEST album (the historical album of your greatest hits that we’ll forever treasure), Chankapaana single (the awesome song which celebrates the new NEWS), and Utsukushii koi ni suru yo concert tour (the majestic concert that made/is making the whole fandom damn emotional). What else? All these and more that’ll come, NEWS, you are killing us. Expect us to die… Die of happiness.

Again, I repeat: if being exaggerated is a trend, then I’m proud (exaggeratedly) to be killed by NEWS.

*****************************************

If being exaggerated is NOT a trend, I would still be proud of my (exaggerated) self.I am a NEWS fan. NEWSfans are such exaggerated creatures (creatures, because we’re not just people… We’re monsters and superheroes and drug lords and stars too). Others can never judge us; all the world knows what NEWS had been through. We cannot just be plain fans! We are exaggerated fan-creatures with BIG love, BIG support, BIG buckets (for our bucketful tears), and BIG whatsoever (insert-word-here-I-can’t-think-of-any-other) for our beloved group Four Directions NEWS. We are not just plain fans, we just cannot. If you’re not a NEWSfan but has stumbled upon this post, read NEWS’ history first or ask me (or any other NEWSfans) and we’ll tell you a lot–the Never Ending Wonderful Story that almost came to an end… Not just once, mind you. NOT JUST ONCE.

Anyway, what happened two days ago inspired me to write a letter (a love letter) to NEWS. I accidentally deleted it yesterday; couldn’t retrieve even a single word. I forgot almost all my thoughts, and I’m too lazy to recall those thoughts again. But after 2 days my heart and mind still haven’t calmed down; obviously, I’m writing again.

Dear NEWS,

Your tears spilling over,

my heart breaks.

But I’m happy to be one of those who made you cry,

for you are what makes me cry too.

In short, we are crying for each other, to each other…

And we don’t even know each other!

But that’s not the case.

Because you love me and I love you forever.
----

You’ve been here for almost 9 years

minus two because of… uhm… yeah,

Thank you for not giving up on me!

Thank you for realizing that I’m still here, running to you, giving you a tight hug while saying “Okaeri!”

To be honest, I almost gave up too.

But I didn’t. I hoped. Your sweet “Tadaima!” is what I looked forward to.
----

So thank goodness you’re home now,

you brought a lot of priceless treats.

Too many, I actually don’t know where to put all these.

But oh! My heart has a big space (you are the reason for that)

filled with things I’ll never erase

Right now I’m filling it again with your gifts,

the most precious N-E-W-S.
----

Honey, you’re so much stronger now, aren’t you?

You came back lovelier.

Do you know that your comeback is very, very memorable?

Really, I couldn’t get over.

Standing still, watching your tears, I want to shout a promise.

“Never again you’ll shed tears of pain;

whenever you and me cry, it’s now because of happiness.”
----

Happiness. Like what I feel today.

Thank you for giving me such wonderful feeling!

In return I’ll give you my most genuine smiles,

so come on, let’s make this beautiful love grow in full swing.
----

I LOVE YOU, DEAR NEWS.

My love for you is incomparable.

Speaking of, you are like that ne? INCOMPARABLE.

…And we will be like this ne? INSEPARABLE.

約束するよ。

永遠に。

–With so much love in my heart, チャンカパーナ

*****************************************

*feels*

*emotions*

Before I move on, I just wanna say that this is entirely different from what I wrote (and deleted ><) yesterday. And if you noticed, the letter above is in the form of a poem. But I don’t want to treat this a poem because a poem is something dramatic yet restricted; while a letter is simple yet sincere. I don’t want to be a drama queen (but seems like I am now LOL), so please regard this as just a simple love letter to NEWS.

Moving on… If being exaggerated is a trend, then count me in.

Can I ask you NEWSfans: Starting from 2 days ago, how many times did you cry? How many times did you flail, jumped, sang along, repeatedly reading and taking in updates, staring at the low quality pictures, watching low quality fancams, yet shouting and yelling like it’s the world end, and endlessly talking about how you feel? A fan is a fan… Much more a NEWSfan. If Tegoshi (and NEWS) believe that they can’t lose to any group when it comes to cherishing us fans, then I believe (and I’m sure you do) believe that NEWS fandom is the most emotional, humble, and strongest fandom… In all the world. (OMG I LOVE THE IRONIES. NEWS and NEWSfans are just… ♥)

Sounds exaggerated! Oh, If being exaggerated is not a trend, I don’t mind. I am a NEWS fan.

美しい恋にするね

美しい恋にするよ

美しい恋にするから

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Leya

June 2017

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